


The One With the Fire

by undercoverofdarkness



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Diarrhea, F/F, Nessie - Freeform, a hitler youth reference, big foot - Freeform, fires and more
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-18
Updated: 2016-01-15
Packaged: 2018-03-31 02:35:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 36,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3961171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/undercoverofdarkness/pseuds/undercoverofdarkness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Emma compares Regina to Hook and Regina tries not to set Granny's on fire. SQ</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The One With the Fire

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Once Upon a Time or any of the characters (obviously) but that doesn't mean I can't put them in some awkward situations. This takes place about 8 months after the 4b finale. Also of note: I thought it was weird that in the show the Enchanted Forest ran on the same calendar as our "realm" so I changed that. It'll make sense when you read it. Enjoy :)

"You and Killian are alot alike."

Regina looked up from the salad she'd been absentmindedly stabbing and locked eyes with the blonde sitting across from her. If she were being truthful she'd admit to not really enjoying her salad. She'd also admit to being envious of the aforementioned blonde's grilled cheese, and if were being really honest, she'd admit to wanting more from Emma than just her sandwich. She wanted a relationship with her. Love. A future.

However, today was not the day for honesty. Today, like any other day, was about repressing feelings and being content with a friendship forged by and in spite of: curses, custody battles, Wicked Witch half-sisters, etc. This moment? This moment was about not killing the woman she : not killing the woman she was very good friends with for comparing her with a walking stick of eyeliner.

"and just how did you come to that conclusion?" Regina inquired, while trying to rein in the anger that threatened to escape her palms in literal balls of rage and fire.

Emma tapped her chin in thought.

"Well you both have less than stellar pasts you're trying to overcome," she said holding out an index finger to indicate the first item on her list.

Regina rolled her eyes and snorted in derision. This was going to be a long and unpleasant lunch.

"Two. You both wear alot of black," Emma stated simply.  
"Whats up with that anyway? Is that like a villain thing? Were you and Killian the goths of the Enchanted forest? Did the Enchanted Forest have goths?" she asked, voiced laced with humor.

Regina let out an exasperated sigh. She was trying to be patient. She was trying to be good, but Emma was testing her and fire was so easy to conjure...

Emma, who had taken note of the other woman's frustration, cocked her head to the side and offered her her biggest smile. Suddenly, Regina was putty. She forgot who she was, where she was, and why she was, and despite everything, found herself smiling back. Damn Emma Swan!

"I know thats not my best material, but it made you smile. I'm also a Charming so you can't expect much," Emma said self-deprecatingly. She then looked down at her plate and paused, as if to reconsider her next words, and timidly added "By the way, you should do that more often."

"Do what more often?" Regina asked curiously.

"Smile. You look pretty when you smile," Emma answered and she quickly went back to devouring her meal as her words floated in the air above them.

They fell into a comfortable silence as Regina stared at the other woman with open wonder and adoration. Earlier in their relationship, ruining Emma's life had been Regina's top priority. If she crashed into the "welcome to Storybrooke" sign after having the cider Regina gave her, well that was just a result of her own poor judgement. If the brakes on her car went out? Well that was an unfortunate consequence of driving an older vehicle, but now? Regina could't imagine a life without Emma in it and she hated that. She hated needing someone that much. She used to be the Evil Queen. She used to conquer entire realms and rule them with an iron first. Now she sat in diners and pined after beautiful, unattainable blondes named Emma Swan. She tried to frown. Tried to scowl, but it was ridiculous smile was seemingly pasted onto her face; perhaps permanently.

Emma abruptly stopped eating and looked at Regina quizzically.

"What was I saying before?" she said and looked around the Diner as if it would provide her with the answer.

"Oh, yeah!" she exclaimed in excitement. "You and Killian are alot alike."

Just like that Regina's smile was replaced by the frown that, moments earlier, had been so difficult for her to conjure.

"Not this again," Regina protested. "That ridiculous pirate and I have nothing in common."

"You're both stubborn," she said fully expecting Regina to challenge her.

"I am not stubborn!" Regina said taking the bait. "I merely feel the need to defend myself against baseless accusations. That is not being stubborn. That is human nature. You would do the-" Thats when Regina stopped talking. She realized she had fallen headlong into the trap that Emma laid for her and of course Emma was wearing that cocky yet incredibly attractive smirk that Regina hated. She hated it so much she wanted to kiss it right off of her face until Emma apologized for  
her arrogance.

"So what were you saying about not being stubborn, Madame Mayor?" Emma challenged with a raised eyebrow.

And thats what Regina really loved about their relationship. Like the ocean's tides, they constantly pushed and pulled at one another. They argued and fought, sometimes to the point of exhaustion, but like fire refines gold, they refined each other.

"You shouldn't be so smug, Sheriff. Its unbecoming," Regina lied, because if she was being honest, and she was going out of her way not to do that today, she would admit that Emma's arrogance was a complete turn-on. It was such a turn-on that when Emma first came to town Regina would purposefully seek ways to bring out that particular trait. She would assign unholy amounts of paperwork, make ridiculous rules, and be an overall raging bitch in hopes that Emma would defy her, because a defiant Emma was a confident Emma, and a confident Emma was incredibly sexy.

"Coffee refill? Helloooo, earth to Regina," Ruby interrupted as she waved her hand in front of Regina's face.

"Miss Lucas! Didn't you ever learn that its rude to stick your hands in someone's face?" Regina reprimanded.

"Didn't you ever learn that its rude to ignore your waitress when she's trying to provide you with top-notch customer service?" Ruby sassed back.

"She was probably just thinking of more ways to kill me," Emma chimed in. "I'm pretty sure she's got a running list going. It's at least 30 items deep."

Regina had to try not to laugh at that statement, because she did have an ongoing list of things she wanted to do to Emma, none of which were violent, all of which were sexual. Actually, now that she thought about it a few items could be considered violent. Well, not really violent, just a little rough in nature, but no more than what Emma could handle or would consent to...

"No, Emma.I don't think thats true." Ruby said as she smiled at Regina knowingly. She did, after all, know about Regina's feelings. She was a werewolf and her senses were always kicking into overdrive. She could hear the way Regina's heart would speed up whenever the blonde was near her and the way Regina would actively work to bring it down to a reasonable heart rate. Aside from all that she was also not an idiot, and though Regina was somewhat good at masking her emotions, and could hide them behind sarcasm and biting words, the way she lovingly stared at Emma when she thought she wasn't looking gave her away. The woman conquered entire kingdoms, but didn't know how to conduct herself around a pretty girl, and Ruby thought that was beyond adorable. It almost made Regina less scary... Like a cat dressed in a shark costume...except that this cat killed entire villages of people...

"For the record, I do not generally harbor a desire to kill you, Emma. I even enjoy your company from time to time," Regina began.

"Actually, I think its a little more than time to time," Ruby interrupted. She knew she was pushing it but she also knew that Emma and Regina needed a little push. Regina was going to stay silent about her feelings and Emma was going to continue to be oblivious, because Emma was relatively intelligent, but interpersonal relationships were not her thing. Something had to give.

"You guys have lunch here, sans Henry, twice a week," she stated matter of factly. "Regina knows your order and sometimes gets it for you if you're running late. Sometimes, she even pays for both your meals."

"Actually, now that you mention it..." Emma chimed in. "Regina brings me coffee at the station, she's been teaching me magic, and she even helped me put together a slideshow for that counsel meeting last week."

It was an impressive slideshow complete with Storybrooke's most recent incidents of crime, mainly Lost Boys who had discovered the wonders of graffiti art, and several eye-catching pie graphs.

"So putting all of these pieces of evidence together," Emma continued. "I'd say that Regina considers me a friend."

"Or more," Ruby interjected. Surely Regina would kill her for her boldness, but at least she'd die happy with the knowledge that she played a small part in making true love happen for Henry's mothers. It was the least she could do.

"Miss Lucas!" Regina reprimanded. "Don't you have a fire hydrant to attend to or a cat to chase? "

"Actually, I don't, but I do have some other customers I need to check on before I clock out. Enjoy your meal, ladies" she said and hastily took her leave.

Regina had murder in her eyes.

"She's lucky I don't report her to animal control," she said through gritted teeth as she continued to stab at her salad.

"Hey," Emma said placing her hand on top of Regina's free one. "Don't get mad at her for telling the truth."

"And what truth is that?" Regina inquired while fighting the blush that threatened to overtake her cheeks.

Emma looked at her seriously. She even stopped eating. Regina always knew something was serious if Emma stopped eating.

"That you like me," she stated simply.

Regina was completely taken aback. If Emma already knew, now was as good a time as any to come clean about her feelings. She took a deep breath and opened her mouth to form words but nothing came out; just silence. She was about to go for a second attempt but noticed that Emma was still talking. Her brows were furrowed and her chin was set in that way it only did when she was thinking too hard.

"That you want me around more then you'd care to admit to," Emma continued nervously.

Regina was on the edge of her seat. Was this the moment she had been waiting for? The moment when Emma would stop settling for the mediocre relationship she was involved in and open herself up to something that, though difficult at times, had the potential to be true love?

"That...that despite everything thats happened between us, we are friends, maybe even best friends," she said as she made eye contact with Regina, having finally found her courage. "and theres nothing wrong or embarrassing about that. No point in pretending to be less than what we are. Right Regina?"she asked hopefully.

Regina hung her head in disappointment. How could she be so foolish as to think that Emma shared her feelings? How could The Savior love the Evil Queen?

"No. Not at all. No point in pretending to be less then what we are," she repeated regretfully.

"So its settled then? We're BFFs!" Emma joked. "Maybe we should get matching t-shirts."

She continued to go on about how excited she was at this latest development in their relationship, but Regina didn't hear her. She was too busy mulling over the rather important conversation they just had, the gist of which being that Emma wanted them to be friends. Just. Friends. Regina valued their friendship. It was the first real one either woman had had in a long time, but she wanted more, and knowing that Emma didn't feel the same way absolutely gutted her.

"Could you please excuse me?" Regina interrupted. "I have to use the ladies room."

"Of course," Emma allowed. though she was somewhat confused by Regina's sudden change in behavior.

Regina made her way to the restroom as quickly as her legs could take her there. She had to get away from that table. She had to get away from Emma. She locked the door behind her and leaned against it for support as tears made their way down her cheeks.

She didn't know how she had gotten to this point in her life. How she had gotten to the point of loving someone so completely and so pathetically. She was angry at Emma. Angry at her for being so oblivious and self-absorbed. Angry at her for ruining her life so thoroughly, but what made her even angrier, was that she couldn't be completely angry at Emma, at least not for any real length of time. She loved her too much, because despite Emma's obliviousness, she had some rather good qualities. She consistently risked herself; sometimes her reputation, and in several cases her very life, for Regina. She was the first person since Daniel to be in Regina's corner. She believed in her, even when it didn't make sense, and for that Regina was eternally grateful.

Yes, the love she had for the blonde greatly outweighed any feelings of ill will she had towards her, and though it would hurt Regina to do so, she would put aside her own hurt feelings and be the friend Emma needed her to be. She would listen to Emma's terrible mixtapes, have Sunday dinners with the Un-Charmings, and smile her way through Emma's karaoke version of "Hit Me Baby One More Time, because thats what good friends did for each other.

With new resolve, Regina walked over to the bathroom mirror and set up about making herself look more presentable. At the moment, her biggest problem was the eye-liner that had mixed with her tears and created unsightly black streaks that ran vertically down her cheeks. Grabbing some make-up removing wipes from her purse, she wiped away the eye-liner disaster, and began to recite a mantra that had gotten her through many trying times in the Enchanted Forest.

"You are a queen. Queens do not pout. They do not cry. They do not feel weakness."

She fished her eye-liner from her purse, removed the top, and began re-applying.

"Queens are strong. They take. They rule. They conquer."

She looked in the mirror and nodded her head in approval. All traces of crying had been erased and she looked like her usual put together self.

"You are a queen," she repeated to herself and made her way back to the table with her head held high.

"Hey, you're back,"Emma observed. "I was beginning to think you skipped out on me."

"Of course not," Regina responded. "Is that another grilled cheese on your plate?"

"Yeah, it is. I got kind of hungry while you were gone," she said sheepishly. "But, and you'll be very proud of me for doing this, I classed it up with some gouda instead of American."

Emma looked so proud of herself. It reminded Regina of when Henry was a child, and he would shower her with art projects he made at school. He couldn't color inside the lines and every person (and animal, namely birds because he had Snow White for a teacher) he drew were stick figures, but he had created those projects with the idea that he was going to give them to Regina and that they would make her happy, and they did. She would oo and ah at his artistic ability and he would give her a shy, lopsided grin, almost identical to the one currently worn by his birth mother.

"Well done, ."

"Thank you," Emma said with a smile. "You wanna try it?"

"You expect me to eat that?" Regina protested with faux disgust.

"Oh, come on Regina!" Emma wined like a petulant child.

"I refuse to put that trash into my body!"

"Its not trash. Its food!"

"Thats debatable"

Emma cut her sandwich into two diagonal triangles, the cheese oozing perfectly from the sides. She lifted the sandwich and slowly brought it to Regina's lips.

"You know you want it," she said in a sing-song voice.

They held each other's gaze, silently daring the other to be the first to surrender. This was a battle of wills, and Regina loved a good battle.

"I most certainly do not," Regina said defiantly.

"Don't be so difficult."

"I'm not being difficult. I simply do not want to eat that greasy abomination."

"Look Regina. I know you want to eat it." Emma said and then took a long torturous pause. "You know you want to eat it..."

Regina, unconsciously licked her lips in agreement, because she certainly did. She thought about it quite often. Surely this wasn't about the grilled cheese anymore. This had to be some sort of double entendre. Sure it was a little sophomoric for her tastes, but beggars couldn't be choosers...

"So... Just open your mouth" she said as her eyes traveled down to Regina's lips. "And eat it."

And just like that the battle was over, because who was she to refuse such a request. Sure it wasn't said in the exact context she desired, but it was a small step. Rome wasn't built in a day. Today: gouda grilled cheese sandwiches. Tomorrow (or some time in the near future, fingers crossed): Emma Swan.

She opened her mouth and allowed Emma to fill it with the cheesy substance. It was warm and delicious, so delicious in fact, that Regina forgot where she was and who she was with, and let out a deep moan of pleasure. Her eyes closed and her head tilted back from the sheer ecstasy she was experiencing. She desperately clung to the table, her nails digging into the cloth. It was all she could do to keep from becoming completely undone.

Emma, for her part, didn't know what to make of the scene before her. Taking into account all the times Regina reprimanded her for her eating habits, it was amusing to see her have such an extreme reaction to a grilled cheese sandwich. At the same time, watching Regina's tongue glide across her lips, hearing her moan in appreciation, well it did something to her and no matter how hard she tried she couldn't help but imagine what it would be like to taste those lips and make them scream out her name or imagine what it would feel like to have those nails savagely rake across the expanse of her back.

Emma shook her head. This was Henry's other mother! The woman who had made her first few months in Storybrooke impossible. The woman who was partially responsible for her terrible childhood, yet none of that mattered anymore, because Regina was different now. She fought her demons daily, and despite their difficulty, always defeated them. It was beautiful to watch. She was beautiful to watch.

So Emma watched her and wished for something she couldn't have. She was, after all, in a relationship with Killian, and though he wasn't everything she had hoped for, he was far kinder to her then some of her previous lovers. She had been lied to, cheated on, and verbally abused. Neal framed her for a crime she didn't commit and essentially forced her to have a child in prison, so this relationship didn't seem so bad comparatively. Sure, he drank too much and smelled kind of funky sometimes, but he looked out for her and supported her in all her endeavors. He even went on the occasional tampon run. Maybe that was enough. Maybe love wasn't all romance and "I will always find you." Maybe it was a few bottles of rum and "I gave up my ship for you." That was romantic right? Not that she loved being equated with a ship but what could you expect from a really old pirate?

Emma laughed at that because this was her life now. Her mom and dad were Snow White and Prince Charming, her boyfriend was a pirate, and the woman she was currently lusting after was The Evil Queen, well used to be The Evil Queen. These days she occupied her time with small town politics, taking care of their son, and eating grilled cheese sandwiches in an overly sexual manner. Emma licked her lips. God, could that woman go to town on a sandwich! God did she want to be that sandwich!

She didn't even bother to try and hide her appreciation for what was happening in front of her. No point in fighting the inevitable right? She was willing to just go with the flow and-

"Ahem"

What was that sound? Emma wondered.

"Ahem."

Emma ignored the sound and continued to stare at Regina lustily.

"Emma!" Snow shrieked in exasperation.

That finally broke Emma from the "spell" she seemed to be in.

"Mom!" Emma exclaimed in horror. Her voice had gone up about two octaves, her cheeks were red as a tomato, and she looked like she had been caught with her pants down, or her skirt up. Snow didn't know which, and it didn't matter because, thats basically what happened. She had basically just witnessed porn. Granted, she'd never seen porn, she was Snow White after all and had a reputation to maintain, but she imagined it probably looked something like this.

"Mom. I... uh... I was just..." Emma continued to stutter along for a few more seconds until she realized there was no heterosexual explanation for what had just happened and gave up on trying to come up with one altogether.

"Feeding Regina?" Snow finished, her tone laced with accusation. She really didn't mind whatever it was that was developing between the two woman, she even welcomed it. What bothered her was the continued denial on both their parts. Neither woman would admit to, or in Emma's case, accept the feelings they had for one another, so everyone had to suffer. Everyone had to bear witness to the the dopey looks, the longing looks, the loving looks, the lusty looks, and the various other looks they constantly gave each other. Everyone had to tolerate the pathetic excuses they would invent to be near one another. "Oh Henry left his video game at Regina's and he can't possibly go a few hours without playing it. Better go get it" and "Oh, Emma doesn't know how to properly fill out a police report even though she's done it a thousand times without my help. Better head over to the station and spend the next few hours of my life teaching her how to do it while hiking up my skirt and sitting on her desk wantonly." David had walked in on them like this on several occasions and expressed some concern about Regina's "influence" on their daughter. Something about her potentially defiling Emma's "womanly honor." Snow, however, did not share his concern. Prior to the curse breaking, she was Emma's roommate and closest confidante, and as such was privy to many of Emma's tales of sexual adventures and misadventures. So, she knew for a fact that Emma's "womanly honor" was "defiled" a long time ago and if it wasn't it would've been thanks to the display Regina had just made.

"She was hungry?" Emma tried again.

"By the looks of it I'd say she was thirsty as well," She said and looked at Regina pointedly. Regina had enough good sense to look embarrassed by her present circumstance and Snow reveled in it. It wasn't often that she got to one up the other woman so when she did it felt akin to winning the lottery. "Regina, maybe you would like some cold water to help with that issue."

"Perhaps," Regina answered sheepishly and went off to find Granny about getting her some water and possibly something a little stronger.

"Now Emma. Your father's birthday is coming up..."

"Right. How does that work anyway?" she interrupted. "because I'm pretty sure you guys had a different calendar in the Enchanted Forest. Did you all just pick a random birth date once the curse broke? Like April 25th? Because it's not too hot, not too cold, and all you need is a light jacket?"

They both laughed at the Miss Congeniality reference. As roommates it had been one of their favorite movies to watch together.

"Regina gave us fake birthdays during the curse. Once you broke it and got our memories back some people chose to continue to celebrate the fake birthdays. Others chose to pick a random day, but either way you look at it we all have fake birthdays in one way or another. Its just a matter of whether we chose them or someone chose for us."

"And what did you and dad choose?" Emma asked seriously.

Snow let out a deep breath. It was never easy for her to talk about the curse; partially because of what Regina had done, but more so because of what she had done. She had sent baby Emma to essentially fend for herself in an unknown world. It was beyond irresponsible and not a day went by when she wished she had chosen differently.

"Well I chose my Enchanted Forest birthday, because I'm a bit of a rebel," she answered with a mischievous grin. "and your dad actually goes by his cursed birthday."

"Why?"Emma asked simply.

Snow wasn't 100% sure but she had a rather good guess. "Mostly laziness. It was difficult enough having two lives running through his head. Two birthdays would've been too much for him to handle so I think he just went with the most recent one."

They shared a laugh because David was many things: kind, caring, loyal, brave... but smart and detail-oriented? Not so much.

"He's also taken a liking to this new world," Snow continued. "Indoor plumbing, sports, trucks...Believe it or not I think he's just a little bit grateful to Regina for those aspects of the curse."

"I could imagine. The Enchanted Forest was rough," Emma said as she drowned her fries in more ketchup.

"Emma." Snow said and grabbed both of her hands. She needed her full attention for this next part of her speech and she knew that would be impossible if Emma was shoveling food into her face. She was very similar to David in that way.

"You know your dad had some trouble with Regina in the past. We both did, but things are different now. Yes, he still has some apprehensions about her, but for the most part he really respects her and admires the person she's become." Snow said this with a bit of apprehension. Emma was like a stray cat and if you approached her too quickly or confronted her without enough warning she would run off.

Emma scrunched her nose in that cute way she did when she was confused.  
"Why are you telling me this?" she asked. "I don't understand."

Snow, initially brought it up because she knew that if Emma ever decided to take her relationship with Regina to the next level, it would mean alot to have her parents approval. She also knew what Emma looked like when she was getting ready to run, and judging by the way she was uneasily shifting around in her seat and the way her eyes were darting around the room, Snow would say she was about to run.

"No reason," she said and shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly.

Emma threw up her hands in frustration.

"Superpower remember? and even if I didn't have my superpower you still couldn't fool me cause your a terrible liar," she said with just the tiniest bit of resentment in her voice. If there was one thing Emma hated, it was being lied to.

Snow had to hand it to her. She was a terrible liar.

"I might be," she conceded. "but you're not ready to hear the truth yet."

"Have you seen my life?" Emma questioned with a wild look in her eye. "Its been shit but I survived it. You think I can't handle a simple conversation?"

Snow took another deep breath because she knew this was going to be difficult, but if Emma wanted the truth she was going to give it to her, in short manageable teaspoons of course.

"Emma, sweetie. You are a survivor. You are resourceful and tough as nails and I am so proud of you for it, but this conversation isn't about strength. Its about acceptance and there are some things about your relationship with Regina that you have not been honest with yourself about."

Snow paused and looked at her daughter; really looked at her. Emma looked like she was on the verge of falling apart. Like the walls she had so carefully crafted around her heart had been taken down by nothing more than a soft summer's breeze.

"Do you want me to keep going?" Snow asked softly.

"No," Emma answered without hesitation. "You were right. I'm not ready for this conversation."

She dropped her head in defeat. Emma Swan: former thief and bail bondsman, current sheriff and "Savior" of Storybrooke, was beaten by none other than her mother, Snow White, and a conversation about feelings.

Sensing her daughter's distress, Snow placed a reassuring hand beneath her chin and raised it. Emma's eyes, uncertain as they were, met hers.

"Don't feel bad or ashamed," Snow said encouragingly. "You might not be ready for this tomorrow, or next week, or even a few months down the line, but eventually you will be and when you are, just know that me and your father love you and support you know matter what you choose or who you choose."

Emma had to fight the impending water works she knew were about to come spewing out of her eyes. This was all she had ever wanted. A mom and a dad that loved her unconditionally. A mom and a dad that loved her even when she was cranky or had a bad attitude or was attracted to other woman. She didn't have that in the past. She was once kicked out of a foster home because her parents caught her kissing the girl next door. It was mostly innocent pre-teen stuff but it was enough for them to send her packing. Unfortunately for them, and Emma to some extent, they couldn't very well send Emma back because they "couldn't fix the gay," so they fed the social worker some bs about how she had "stolen" their belongings along with a slew of other false charges, and off she went.

"Emma are you crying?" Snow asked in disbelief, because really, how often did that happen?

"No." Emma responded, quickly wiping away a stray tear. "Theres just a little something in my eye. Maybe an eyelash" she said and proceeded to pull on her lower lid as if to offer evidence. "Take a peek. Do you see anything in there?"

Snow knew there was nothing in there. Emma was just trying to save face, but she was willing to play along. She leaned forward as if to get a closer look.

"No I don't see anything. Maybe the air is dry or something."

"Yeah maybe." Emma said letting go of her lid.

It was at this time that Regina finally returned to the table, glass of water in hand. She immediately took note of Emma's puffy red eyes and tear stained cheeks. Snow White had been in Emma's presence for less than eight minutes and somehow, within that minute timeframe, managed to reduce Emma to tears. Regina was ready to rage, but she knew she had to remain calm. This could be her future mother-in-law, and while Regina abhorred potentially being related to Snow in any way, she knew that getting on her good side was paramount. She also didn't hate Snow anymore. She actually kind of liked her, depending on the day, depending on her mood.

"Emma are you crying?" Regina asked with concern.

"No. No. Of course not." She lied. "Just got something in my eye, but its all gone now. So theres no need to worry."

"Well," Snow said getting up. "I should probably leave you two to it." She knew when she was being a third wheel. She also didn't want to stick around for the next bit of pornography that she was sure would be taking place soon.

Emma lightly grabbed her wrist to stop her from leaving

"Wait. You never finished what you were saying about Dad's birthday."

"Oh. That" Snow said and waved a dismissive hand in the air. "I was going to ask you to help me plan it, but I think you've got your hands full right now." She said with a wink. "Now be a dear and give your old momma a hug." Emma rolled her eyes but, stood up, and obliged her nonetheless. They stayed that way for quite some time, both mother and daughter sensing that they should part, but neither of them wanting to. "I love you so much, Emma."

"I love you too, Mom" she returned. A lone tear made its way down her cheek but this time she did nothing to hide the evidence.

"I should probably get going," Snow said, finally breaking the hug. She turned to acknowledge the other woman, who had been awkwardly inspecting her nails, during their public display of affection. "It was nice seeing you Regina. Enjoy your meal."

"Thank you Snow. Enjoy your... well whatever it is that you're going to do. Probably teach the virtues of love and hope to Storybrooke's bird population." Regina said sarcastically.

"For the record. You don't have to teach that to birds. Its innate. They are very noble creatures," Snow defended with a laugh. She started towards the door. "I'm leaving now. Don't try to stop me."

"I would never dream of it." Regina said with a sly smile.

She looked over and noticed that Emma was staring at her with a strange sort of grin that she couldn't identify. "What are you looking at Swan?"

Emma looked down at her root beer and slowly swirled the straw around as if to buy time, and though Regina was not feeling particularly patient today, she waited for what the blonde would say next. She knew Emma and she knew that Emma struggled with words, not because she was an idiot, but because she often had so many feelings swirling within in her at one time that it was difficult to parse through them, let alone speak those words out loud. Regina understood because she was the same way, so she stayed quiet and waited for Emma to say what she needed to say.

Several long, agonizing moments passed before Emma finally looked up from her drink. She pushed her long golden locks from her face and gave Regina a shy smile.

"Is this what happiness feels like?" Emma asked, her voice barely above a whisper. Regina's heart broke for her then, because that one, tiny question was packed with so many implications. It was said with such reverence and fear, almost as if Emma believed that the small bit of happiness she had managed to find in this world would be taken away from her by merely acknowledging it, and why wouldn't she believe that? Over, and over again fate had conspired against her. It lied to her, manipulated her. It took away her family and first love. Why should she trust it? Yet there she was. She shone through the darkness like a lighthouse of hope. No matter how high the waters rose, or how strongly the winds blew, she would always stand strong and shine her light to guide the arriving ships home. Regina had to mentally roll her eyes at that one because Emma was dating a pirate, and while she was always a bit vexed by their sorry excuse for a relationship, it all suddenly made sense. Emma was his light. Emma was his home. That was priceless for someone who had spent hundreds of years seeking it. Regina could understand that. She had after all, unknowingly, been doing the same thing. She recalled a conversation she once shared with Hook on the way to Neverland about happy endings. She had asked him if he believed that villains could get one and he responded by saying that he hoped so, otherwise they had "wasted their lives." Not long after, he had found his with Emma, unfortunately so had Regina, the major difference being that he was actually with her. He got to hold her her. He got to kiss her. He got to take her home while Regina sat on the sidelines and wondered what it would be like to do any of those things. Fate really was a bitch, well to her at least, but this wasn't about her. It was about Emma and her happiness which was now apparently within arms reach.

"I suppose that would depend on your definition of happiness. What is your definition of happiness, Ms. Swan?" Regina asked, almost afraid to hear the answer, because she was sure that she was about to hear Hook's name somewhere in there and if she did, she couldn't guarantee that Granny's wouldn't go up in flames.

"I don't think I've ever let myself imagine what happiness would be like," Emma said with a shake of her head. "I would always try to get closer to Tallahassee, but no matter what I did it would just get further away from me, but this," she said meeting Regina's eyes. "My family: mom, dad, Henry...you... This feels close to it."

Emma's eyes went wide. She hadn't meant to say all that. She really hadn't, but the words came tumbling out of her mouth before she had enough time to put them back in, and damn it if they didn't sound romantic. She didn't mean for them to, but then again, she did? She wasn't sure anymore. She felt something for Regina, she couldn't deny that, but a family? It was significantly more then she had ever even imagined with Killian, and she was dating him! There he was: loving her, supporting her, giving up ships for her, defending her and here she was, being emotionally unstable, emotionally unavailable, and emotionally unfaithful. She had to be the worst girlfriend ever, possibly in the history of the world. She needed to fix this before Regina noticed her slip-up, because if she didn't she was sure she'd never hear the end of it from her former nemesis. It would go something like "silly Ms. Swan. I could never love you." Actually, that was a little too Evil Queen for the current Regina. Current Regina, would probably let her down easy. She'd be all soft eyes and sorry smiles and say something like "I appreciate everything you've done for me, but I don't feel the same way you do," and then the real clincher "I hope we can remain close friends and continue to co-parent Henry." She really needed to fix this. She needed to not have feelings for Regina. She needed to focus on Killian.

"Killian is involved in that too," Emma managed to choke out. She immediately felt her stomach clench at the obvious lie. Damn that superpower for ratting her out to herself! She plowed ahead nonetheless.

"He makes me really happy." She continued. Maybe if she said it enough times it would be true.

"I'm glad to hear that," Regina said cooly, seemingly unaffected by her words, which made Emma sad because she really wanted her to be affected. Just once. If Regina gave her a small indication of interest...any indication of interest...maybe... but she saw no point in searching for something that wasn't there. She needed to abandon ship. Find some way, any way to make the current conversation a little less awkward.

"Hey, I never finished telling you why I think you and Killian are alike," She said and nervously bit down on a fingernail.

Regina let out a frustrated groan. She was upset, no, she was livid! She and Emma were having a moment, or so she though, until Emma ruined it by bringing up her dirty pirate.

Regina took several deep breaths. She tried to calm herself, but anger was quickly overtaking her. She could feel it coursing through her veins and summoning forth her magic. For Regina, who had worked so hard to overcome her dark side, it was alarming and yet eerily empowering. She felt strong, and feeling strong was infinitely better than feeling weak as she listened to Emma compare her to her lewd, smelly, lying, good-for-nothing, sad excuse for a human, pirate boyfriend.

There was an immediate shift in the atmosphere as a heavy silence filled the air between them.  
However, the silence was short lived.

"Do you smell that?" Emma asked with concern. "It smells like something is burning." It was Storybrooke, after all. The smell of fire could be anything from a burned steak to Satan, literally Satan, coming from the deepest, darkest pit of hell, to seek revenge on Rumplestiltskin for killing his mother. With that in mind Emma stood up, prepared to spring into action. She sniffed the air in an attempt at identifying the smell. It seemed close but she couldn't quite place it. Coming up short, she looked to Regina for an answer to her unspoken question, and was met with terrified eyes.

"Emma you're on-"

"Fire! Holy hell! I'm on fire!" Emma exclaimed.

Leroy, who until this point had been quietly nursing a hangover, took the opportunity to whip the diner into a frenzy by yelling, "The Evil Queen set The Savior on fire!"

All hell broke loose as patrons began to run around like chickens without heads while yelling things like "not again" and "I knew she was trouble when she walked in." Regina rolled her eyes because of course she was getting blamed for this... Ok so she was to blame for this, but she didn't do it on purpose! Contrary to popular belief, she would never purposefully set Emma on fire.

"The Evil Queen strikes again!" Leroy screamed as patrons continued to scurry out of the establishment.

From her place on the floor, Emma, who had been on the last step of the stop, drop, and roll program, overheard Leroy's use of Regina's former title, and in the most threatening voice that she could muster while being on fire cried out, "Her name...is Regina!"

Regina didn't think it was possible, but in that moment she fell more in love with Emma then ever before, because Emma could be a real pain in the ass, but she was the bravest, most beautiful, most loyal, pain in the ass Regina had ever had the pleasure of knowing.

"Calm down sister," Leroy responded.

His gruff grating voice pulled Regina out of her reverie. She magicked a bucket of water from thin air and dumped it over Emma's body.

Granny, who had only caught the last few second of Emma's ordeal, bent down and placed a comforting hand on the blonde's shoulder.

"Are you okay," she asked, concern evident in her voice.

"Well, I'm not on fire anymore," she said and let out an awkward laugh.

Regina was relieved that she was no longer on fire, but she couldn't help but laugh because Emma, who often reminded Regina of a very loyal golden retriever, now looked like a very wet golden retriever. It was adorable.

Emma began to clumsily lift herself from the floor and Regina quickly came to her side, offering her hands for support. She accepted the offering and placed her hands in Regina's and for a few brief moments Regina swore she was in heaven. She pulled Emma up, only she wound up using more force then she intended and Emma came crashing into her, knocking them both onto the ground in a heap of tangled limbs with Emma landing on top of Regina, and Regina having to choose between being extremely mortified and extremely aroused. She could feel the heat rising from within her as the weight of Emma's body pressed against her own. Their faces were mere inches apart. She was close enough to touch, her lips close enough to taste. Regina had often imagined them like this. Their naked bodies moving together in perfect harmony. Her fingers exploring every inch of Emma's body, eliciting moans of pleasure, until she erupted into a passionate crescendo that would leave them both begging for more.

She tried to think of other things but found that she couldn't because Emma Swan was on top of her, her golden hair covering them like a curtain, protecting them from prying eyes. In that moment nothing else existed. Not Granny who had averted her gaze to allow them a moment of privacy. Not Grumpy who looked on with a mixture of horror and amusement, and certainly not Hook who had entered the diner in hopes of rescuing his girlfriend from the The Evil Queen's clutches.


	2. The One With the Drinking Buddies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regina spends more time with Hook than she ever wanted, a few secrets come to light, and more things are set on fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I don't own Once Upon a Time. Fair warning: There is alot of Hook in this chapter. It almost entirely consists of him and Regina. The reason being, that my original vision for this chapter was to write a Swan Queen story from his perspective. It was going to be a one shot, but since I have a weird writing process, I wrote this and chapter one at the same time and they suddenly became one story. I do apologize for him overstaying his welcome (like he always does) but I hope you can still find a way to enjoy this chapter.

Killian Jones wasn’t the smartest man, but he wasn’t a complete idiot either. He was a pirate; a disabled one at that, and as such was often overlooked, so he was just as surprised as anyone when The Savior entered into a relationship with him, and even though much of their time was spent chasing down villains, they would occasionally manage to sneak away from the chaos that surrounded them and find a few moments of peace. 

Killian lived for those moments; moments when they would curl up on her couch and watch moving pictures together, her head on his chest, his arm around her shoulder, but lately those moments were few and far between. Earlier in their relationship time would pass peacefully between them, with much laughter and joy. Now they counted the minutes of their days in anger and tense silence.

He didn’t see it at first. The thing, or rather the person, that caused his beloved’s eye to wander. He didn’t see the soft touches and longing looks that would pass between them or the way Emma’s face, normally stoic and filled with worry, would light up whenever Regina entered the room. 

Initially, Killian didn’t see any of these things, because he didn’t want to. He preferred the comfort provided him by denial. It was easier to live the lie and play the doting boyfriend than to admit to himself that things weren’t as they should be; that the woman he loved no longer loved him, if she ever did. However, once he confronted himself with the truth, and accepted it, he could no longer ignore what had been happening before his very eyes: The Savior was falling in love with The Evil Queen and there was absolutely nothing he could do to stop it.

“Another!” he cried out into the mostly empty diner.

“Are you sure you need another drink?” the waitress asked from behind the counter.

“You know waitress... what is your name?”

“Candace,” she responded timidly.

“Ah yes, Waitress Candace! What we need and what we want are often two entirely different things, but in this particular case what I need and what I want are the same thing. Can you guess what that is?” he questioned in one long, stumbling breath.

“More alcohol?”

“BRILLIANT!” he exclaimed. “You, Waitress Candace, are bloody brilliant!” He ran his eyes across her body appreciatively and added, “You are also quite attractive.“but shhhh,” he said as he placed his finger over his lips, “You didn’t hear that from me.”

Granny, who had been cleaning various appliances, was beginning to get annoyed with the pirate that occupied the seat across from her. 

“Candace you can have the rest of the night off. Go home and relax.You,” she said as she pointed angrily at Killian, “can stop harassing my waitresses. Candace is the best help I’ve had in a long time and I don’t want to lose her on account of your stupidity.”

“My sincerest apologies, m’lady. I only wanted more alcohol. I meant no harm.”

“Of course you didn’t,” she mumbled and set about fetching more alcohol for her patron. Ruby used to do this. Ruby used to handle alot of the “customer service” aspects of the diner, but much like the girl she was during the curse, she longed for more, and eventually set about taking online classes with a nearby college. She would occasionally help out at the diner, but not for more than a few hours at a time. Her presence had been sorely missed and Granny had to cycle through a few waitresses before she found a good fit. She eventually stumbled upon Candace, and though she was a fast learner and hard worker, Granny couldn’t help but miss having her grand daughter working beside her.

The bell above the diner door signaled a new arrival, and Granny could do nothing but roll her eyes, because the person that just walked in was Regina Mills, and with Killian being as inebriated as he was... well, Granny could already sense the beginnings of a shit storm.

“Your majesty,” he greeted with a sneer. “Fancy seeing you here.”

“Aside from the cesspool, known as the Rabbit Hole, this is the only other place in town that is still open. I’d ask what you’re doing here, but judging by your bloodshot eyes, I’d say I already know. ”

“Regina, always quick with a quip. Care to join me for a drink?”

“I suppose I have nothing better to do,” she said and took the barstool beside him.

“What’ll it be?” Granny asked with a sigh. 

“I’ll have a scotch on the rocks,” Regina answered as she drummed her perfectly manicured nails on the countertop.

“Coming right up.”

Granny began to make their drinks, but she wasn’t too happy about it. Two former villains in her diner, with copious amounts of alcohol, potentially fighting over the same woman. This did not look good, but she wasn’t about to turn down paying customers. All she could do was give them their drinks and send a prayer to whatever deity was listening.  
“Here you go,” she said and handed them their drinks.

“Thank you,” they said in unison. Well, at least they were being polite, though both parties looked ill at ease. Killian stared into his drink with a quizzical expression on his face, almost as if he expected it to provide him with the world’s darkest secrets while Regina continued to anxiously drum her nails on the counter top and angrily glare at her watch as if it had betrayed her. 

Seconds passed slowly and painfully before Killian cleared his throat, and effectively brought an end to the uncomfortable silence that had formed between them.

“I’d like to propose a toast,” he said raising his glass. He gestured for Regina to raise hers as well and she obliged him. 

“To the thing we love most,” he said as his lips turned upward in a knowing smirk. He was done playing games. Done ignoring whatever was going on between Emma and Regina because playing the part of oblivious boyfriend was taking its toll on him. He had been trying to change for Emma but her relationship with Regina brought back some of his darker urges. For the last few months jealousy and anger were his default emotions. He tried to stuff them down but they refused to budge. They were always bubbling right beneath the surface, waiting for the right moment to erupt. 

Regina stared at him in confusion. She loved Henry the most and Hook, well he loved Emma. Suddenly his intentions became very clear. He diddn’t invite her to drink with him for her company. He knew about her feelings and was going to use this as an opportunity to confront her about them.

“I didn’t know you cared so much about Henry,” she said feigning ignorance. “It fills me with joy to know that his mother’s boyfriend is so invested in his life.”

Killian slammed his drink down in frustration. He could stand his beloved being in love with Regina. He could even stand Regina returning those feelings, but what he couldn’t stand was being lied to about it, because maybe he was an idiot, but he was an idiot with eyes and those eyes allowed him to see things!

“I have eyes, you know!”

Regina, who clearly appreciated the sad state her drinking companion was in, began to clap slowly.

“I suppose congratulations are in order,” she responded sarcastically.

“I do have eyes!” he shouted angrily as his fist came crashing onto the table.  
“I have eyes and I see through them and I see through you! I see the way you look at Swan,” he said as his voice began to shake and tears began to form in his eyes. “You look at her like she is your sun... and moon... and stars... and mountains... and oceans and... clouds... and flowers... and trees... like she is everything beautiful in this world, because she is! I know that look because that is the same way I look at her, so if you are going to lovingly pine after my Swan please pay me the courtesy of admitting to it.”

The room fell silent and the air became thick with lost love and unspoken wishes. Regina wanted to deny it. Wanted to deny the way her heart threatened to escape her chest whenever Emma was near. Wanted to deny the way her stomach clenched whenever she would so much as hear the blonde’s name. She wanted to deny the future her mind had built for them; a future where there were no monsters or evil villains that threatened to hurt them. A future where her family: Henry and Emma, could live peacefully in a house near the ocean. She wanted to deny all of those things, but found that she couldn’t.  

“I-I do have feelings for Emma,”she admitted. 

Relief washed over her and she let out a breath she hadn’t known she’d been holding. Regina had been keeping this secret for quite some time, and even though the person she confided in was less than ideal, it still felt good to get it off of her chest.

She looked over at the man beside her and watched as he buried his face in his hands. He looked utterly destroyed, as if the very breath had been taken from his lungs, and in that moment, despite their differences and possible similarities, she felt pity for him.

“How long?” he asked, his voice muffled by his hands.

“I’m not sure,” she said letting out a laugh that was equals parts soft and bitter. “I think I’ve been in love with her for so long that its hard for me to remember a time when I wasn’t.” She sighed deeply then, because she hadn’t planned on putting her emotions on display this evening, or any evening for that matter. However, now that she began this arduous process she felt the need to finish it. 

“I know that at some point in my life I didn’t want this,” she continued. “I didn’t want her, but despite my protests, she found a way into my heart and made her home there, so when I look at the past I’m only able to see it through the love I feel for her now.”

Hook took his face out of his hands and offered the former queen a bittersweet smile.

“You are quite the poet, Your Majesty,” he said with admiration. “I want to hate you. I truly do. I want to yell and scream at you. I want to ruin your life because every bone in my body is crying out for vengeance, but I can’t bring myself to do it. How can I be angry at you for knowing what I’ve known since the day I met her? Emma Swan is a bloody treasure and you’d have to be a complete bloody fool not to see that. You and I,” he said gesturing between them, “are not fools.”

“Well I can’t speak for you, but I am most certainly not a fool,” she responded, humor evident in her tone. 

Hook once again lifted his glass into the air.

“So, now that we’ve found some common ground, how about a toast?

Regina lifted her glass in agreement.

“To Emma Swan... the thing, or rather the person, we love most,” he said somberly.

They clinked glasses and took large gulps of their drinks until there was nothing left. They ordered more alcohol and continued to drink late into the evening, until they lost track of how much alcohol they had consumed.

“Wow!” Regina exclaimed. “W-we finished our drinks rath...rather quickly.”

“Aye, we did,” agreed Killian.

“Maybe we should have more. Lets get shots! Granny, if you would be so -ind as to give us shots...we would appreciate it.” Right then, she was hit with a memory. One of her favorites, and she was taken back to a time when she had been desperately grasping at the concept of fate and soul mates. She believed that Robin Hood was her last chance at happiness, and she had just sent him over the town line to be with his wife and child. Feeling dejected and alone she had taken to Granny’s to indulge herself in some olympic style stress-eating. However, she was not alone for long because Emma came swooping in from seemingly nowhere, like she always did, and offered her shots and friendship. The memory made her smile like an idiot. 

“Look at you,” Killian said craning his neck to get a closer look at Regina. “You’re smiling,” he said pointing a finger centimeters away from her face. “The end must be near.”

She attempted to throw a playful punch to his shoulder, but her coordination was not operating at its full potential, and she merely grazed it.

“Ooooo. The Evil Queen. I am terrif-”

He would have finished his statement, but even in her drunken state Regina had some how managed to conjure a fire ball.

“Hey! Put that away!” Granny yelled. “No fireballs in my diner!”

“Sorry,”Regina apologized and extinguished the fire that had been hovering above her hand.

“Now I’m letting you stay here and drink, but if I see any signs of hostility or fireballs,” she said and looked at Regina accusingly. “I have my crossbow and I’m not shy about using it. Understand?”

They both nodded their heads like school children being admonished by their principal.

“Great! Here are your drinks,” she said and handed them their shots. “Play nice.”

“We are playing nice,” Killian defended indignantly. “That was a friendly fireball. Haven’t you heard of friendly fire?”

“Shhh,you’re gonna get us kicked out,” Regina warned.

“I’m sorry about Hook,” she whispered to Granny conspiratorially. “He’s drunk”

Granny rolled her eyes in exasperation. 

“Its all right, just remember what I said. I like you, Regina, so it would really upset me to have to put an arrow through you.”

“Aww thats so sweet,” Regina said as tears welled in her eyes. “I like you too!” 

Then she did something that surprised Granny. She walked around the counter, opened her arms, and threw them around the older woman’s body in what can only be described as an awkward embrace.

“You’re quite soft and comf-comf-tortable,” Regina stuttered as she buried her head in the crook of Granny’s neck.

Had it been anyone else Granny would have thrown them out on their ass. However, she found that she had a soft spot for the reformed Evil Queen. She had put her life on the line for the citizens of Storybrooke on several occasions and asked for nothing in return so Granny respected her. Aside from that, if the way Regina clung to her (like a barnacle to an old ship) was any indication, she really needed to be held. So Granny allowed it, and they stayed that way for quite some time.

“Ahem! Excuse me ladies. I am also a reformed villain,” Killian said raising his his hand. “And I am also in need of a hug.” 

“I’ll give you a hug!” Regina exclaimed as she untangled herself from Granny’s embrace. She then walked over to Hook and slung her arms around him. He returned the hug and several moments passed before either of them said anything. It was quite a strange hug; especially for Regina. She was, by no means, a hugger. Yet here she was, in the middle of Granny’s with her arms around Hook. She’d rather haver her arms around Emma. Her and Emma fit perfectly. Whenever they hugged their bodies molded and melted into one another as if they were designed to be that way. This was nothing like that. Emma was soft and comfortable. Hook was all angles and hard edges. Large and bulky. Scruffy and gross...

“This doesn’t feel right!” Regina whined.

“Aye, it doesn’t. Perhaps if we repositioned ourselves...” he suggested.

They disentangled themselves from one another and prepared for another hug.

“Pu-put your arm over here,” Regina instructed.  
Hook did as he was told. 

“and your other arm over here” she said pointing to where his other arm was to be positioned. 

Hook some how missed the designated area, and his arm ended up lower than it should’ve. Regina was not altogether convinced that it was unintentional.

“No not there!” she admonished. 

“My apologies, Your Majesty” he said, a blush coloring his cheeks.

“Over here,” she said moving his arm.

Their arms were now around each other but they were still standing several feet apart.

“Should we get closer?You, know, for a prop-proper hug?”

“I suppose,” Regina responded with an impatient sigh. This hug was already more trouble than it was worth.

They tentatively moved closer to one another until their bodies were flush. Regina stood stock still. Since she initiated this hug she felt that it was her responsibility to see it through till the end, no matter how disgusting. What was the appropriate amount of time for a hug anyway? Five seconds? Three? How could Emma bring herself to do this on a regular basis? 

“This isn’t so bad,” Hook declared in wonder, although he never thought it would be bad. He was a man after all, and any proximity to a woman was good proximity. Yes he still had Emma and yes he still loved Emma, but that didn’t mean that he couldn’t appreciate the woman currently wrapped in his arms.

“If I could ignore the smell of Rum, body odor, and other odd smells coming from your jacket, I guess it wouldn’t be.”

“No need to be mean, love. I d-do-don’t always smell like this. I’ve had a rough day. Besides, we are friends now and friends give each other insult free hugs,” he said squeezing her tightly. Finally, after waiting what Regina felt was an appropriate amount of time, she wiggled out of the embrace.

“Need more alcohol,” she mumbled and made her way back to the barstool she had previously occupied.

“Me too!” Hook exclaimed in pursuit. “I have an idea! We should take a shot for everything we like about Emma!”

Regina, paused to consider his offer.

“I can’t see anything wrong with that plan.”  
____________________________________________________________________

Some time later...

“I like Emma’s hair, cause its long, like really long, and it curls sometimes, and its golden colored like the sun, and Hook!” she said trying to catch his attention. “Hook!” she screamed because his head had fallen onto the counter top.

“I’ve never watched pornography, but I’m quite sure that it is nothing compared to Emma’s hair. It just does things to me... Her hair is my porn!” she exclaimed in one long, loud, stuttering breath.

“What is that? P-p-prngphy?” he inquired.

“Its when people do the... the....” she struggled to find the right words. Why were they so difficult to find? Finally they came to her. “They do the sex!” she exclaimed excitedly. “They do the sex on the camera’s! You can find it on the interwebs or the the or magazines!”

“Why have I not seen this?” Hook asked sadly. If people were doing the sex and it was readily available for anyone to watch, he wanted to be able to see it. He did have eyes, after all, and eyes were made for seeing. His sex life was also on a downward spiral. He was always in the mood and Emma was almost never in the mood. Perhaps something like this could spice things up between them.

Regina merely shrugged her shoulders in response. How should she know? She never watched porn. She wasn’t a voyeur. She didn’t know where to find it, or how to find it. She just knew that it existed. At any rate, she didn’t need porn. She had Emma to keep her entertained. Her perfect hair, and eyes, and incredibly toned arms. They were so muscular and defined... She would pay money just to watch Emma Swan lift things and toss them across across the room. Emma could lift her and toss her across the room, maybe press her against a wall....

“Alright, kiddos. I hate to crash your party, but its closing time,” Granny said interrupting her thoughts. Regina was a bit disappointed. This particular fantasy seemed to be going somewhere. 

Granny made a move to take Regina and Hook’s shot glasses, but both parties moved them before she could.

“NO!” They said belligerently.  

“Crossbow,” she reminded them.

Regina handed her glass over. Normally, she wouldn’t give in so easily, but she was drunk and in no way prepared to take on a crossbow wielding grandma.

“So how are you two getting home?” Granny questioned. “Cause you know you can’t drive right now.”

“I don’t know how to drive,” Hook said with sadness and resignation. David tried to teach him once, but he found it hard to steer and operate the foot pedals at the same time. He ended up crashing David’s truck into a mailbox. David was more than displeased with him and forced him to get a job at the marina to pay for the damages. To Hook’s chagrin, even before that incident occurred, Emma outright refused to let him go anywhere near the bug.  She let Henry drive it. She even let Regina drive it, because of course her precious Regina could drive it, but her boyfriend? Nope. Not a chance.

“Should I call Emma?” Granny asked and pulled out her cellphone.

“NO!!!” they both screamed.

“I can’t.. I can’t... I don’t want Emma to see me like this,” Regina said tearfully. She had always tried to look her best. She was the kind of woman that wore heels and a skirt to a villain chase in the woods. She even made sure to look her best when she threw out the trash. There was no way in the world she was going to allow Emma to see her like this; eyes all bloodshot, cheeks all puffy-like. She had a reputation to uphold and a lady to impress.

“Me neither,” Hook joined. “I don’t want her to think I’m an alcoholic.”

Granny had to laugh at that because 90% of his life was spent with a flask of rum in his hand. His morning drink was 3/4 rum 1/4 coffee. Who was he fooling?

“That ship sailed a long time time ago Killian” Granny said with a laugh. “but I guess, you could stay at the B&B.” 

Regina looked at her with grateful eyes.“That would be lovely, Thank you.”

Granny looked between Emma’s suitors, a little afraid to deliver the next bit of news.

“There is a catch though. The Seven Dwarves recently had a falling out. They all moved out of that tiny apartment and each of them have been staying in their own room upstairs, so all of my rooms are occupied... except for one.”

Silence descended upon the trio.

Regina and Killian looked at each other, their eyes searching the other’s for an answer. Neither of them were too keen on sharing a bedroom. Sure they were friends now, but sharing a room seemed to cross a line of some sort. At the same time, neither of them wanted Emma see them in their inebriated state. 

Several agonizing moments passed before they reached an agreement. They nodded their heads and addressed Granny.

“We’ll take it!” They exclaimed.

Granny shook her head. There was no way this was going to end well. Sure the former villains were getting along, but they were drunk. People did all sorts of things when they were drunk like shoot crossbows at the Welcome to Storybrooke sign or wake up naked next to the bashful dwarf. Or was it the sleepy one?  Not that Granny had done any of those things. At any rate she knew that both parties were going to regret their decision in the morning, and once they did, all hell would break loose. No, this wasn’t going to end well but Granny wasn’t one to mingle in the affairs of others, so she linked arms with both patrons (because they were doing a terrible job of walking on their own) and led them to their room. She then handed them their keys and quietly took her leave for the evening.

Regina and Hook surveyed their surroundings.

“Theres only one bed,” Regina observed wryly. Sharing a room with Hook wasn’t ideal. She could think of ten other people she’d rather share a room with. Actually she could only think of one person she’d want to share a room with: Emma, but even though sharing a room with Hook wasn’t ideal, she could tolerate it. However, she could not tolerate sharing a bed with him. She pointed to a spot on the floor. “You’re sleeping there, pirate.”

Hook shook his head in disagreement.

“I don’t think so Your Majesty. You see, I already have a bad back and laying on the hard ground would only ruin it further. Besides, we’ve already shared a bed in the past,” he said and raised a suggestive eyebrow. “ Why not do it again?”

Regina quickly turned on him, jabbing an angry finger at his chest. She thought they had a silent agreement not to talk about that. Yes they did have “relations” together, but it was in the Enchanted Forest and it only happened once, because even though she had been The Evil Queen, she had more sense than to continue a fling with him.

“Don’t you ever bring that up” she said through gritted teeth “or I will personally see to it that you have two hooks for hands, instead of one.”

Hook let out an amused laugh. It was always fun to push The Queen’s buttons. She always maintained such tight control over her life and the lives of those around her, but if one were to look closely, one could easily find her weaknesses and exploit them. He learned this particular skill from Regina’s mother, whom he “apprenticed” under.  

“Ah Regina, you always were very... passionate,” he began. “If I remember correctly, and I do, that trait carried over quite well to the bedroom.”

 He watched as Regina’s eyes grew into wide saucers. She was very obviously fighting some sort of internal battle, most likely caught between being a “good guy” and talking through their issues or being a “bad guy” and burning him to a crisp. Her hands balled into tiny fists and shook with rage. Hook didn’t know why but she was quite adorable when angry albeit very terrifying as well.

“Stop it!” she said threateningly. 

Hook wanted to stop. He really did, but he was drunk and had a real knack for adventure that prevented him from doing so.  When he was a child he would throw rocks at bee hives and wait for the bees to come flying out just so he could outrun them. Admittedly, this wasn’t much different. He knew provoking Regina was dangerous but he couldn’t resist the temptation.

“You know. I thought of something earlier.” He said and took a long pause as if to consider his next words. “I like Emma...”he said pointing to himself with pride. “You like Emma...” he said pointing at Regina knowingly. “You’re both very sexy, very passionate, woman...” 

Regina raised an eyebrow threateningly because even in her drunken state, she was almost 100% sure she knew where this was going.

“What do you say we engage in a sexual triumvirate?” he asked.  “A threesome, if you will.” He then gave Regina the sexiest look he could muster. He was, after all, devilishly handsome. There was no way she would turn him down...except she did, not with words, but with two rather large fireballs. For a few brief seconds it appeared as though she were going to throw them at his face, however she re-directed the fireballs of doom and hurled them at the painting that hung above the bed. However, he did not get away scot-free. A fireball grazed the side of his head and he was now on fire. He screamed at the top of his lungs and flew into a panic, accidentally running into the door and letting out one final yelp before he came crashing onto the floor.

 A small part of Regina wanted to leave him there until he was nothing more than a pile of ash. It would certainly make the funeral arrangements easier, however she wasn’t that person anymore, so she did the right thing. She magicked a water bucket, the second in two days, and dumped it over Hooks body. 

“Bloody hell, Regina!” He yelled. “I understand that what I asked for was a bit... presum...presum.....Oh I can’t say that word!” he said finally giving up “but I really do think it could be enjoyable for the three of us.” He then gave the air a few hearty thrusts, as if to demonstrate his capabilities. “See, love? I could be doing this to you.” He then fixed Regina with  what he thought was a sexy smirk.

That was the last straw for Regina. She had actually been feeling remorse for her actions. She was even getting ready to apologize for them. Fireballs were an over reaction and a little too dramatic for what the occasion called for, but there Hook was, lying on the floor, obscenely thrusting at the air. Something in her snapped, and before she knew it she was on top of him; punching him and pulling out the little bit of hair he had left on his head. Had she been sober, her attacks would’ve been more effective, however she was not so she missed a rather large percentage of her punches and the ones she did land were very weak. She was so involved in this weak punching that she completely missed when Storybrooke’s sheriff came barreling into the room, her deputy in tow.

“What the hell is going on here?” Emma boomed. 

Regina immediately stopped what she was doing and stood up. This did not look good. Not even a little bit.

“I get a call for a domestic dispute and I walk in on this...” Emma said looking around the room.  A wall was on fire and David was currently putting it out with a fire extinguisher. 

“Swan. Its not what it looks like.” Hook said pleadingly.

She let out a deep breath, because what the hell was her life? Just hours before she had been perfectly content with life. Now she was on the verge of having to arrest her boyfriend and best friend. Domestic dispute. Hook. Regina. Gross motel bedroom. Fire. Lots of fire. The pieces of this puzzle didn’t fit.

“What exactly does this look like, because I for one, can’t make any sense of it. So what the hell happened?” she demanded angrily.

Hook and Regina stayed silent. They both avoided Emma’s eyes, choosing instead to look at the floor beneath them. Regina wished it would just swallow her whole. To say she was mortified was an understatement. Her behavior that evening was reprehensible. She should’ve stayed home and read a book, maybe done a little crocheting. Instead she chose to get drunk with the pirate and set things on fire. 

There was a reason Regina never drank outside her own home. Drinking in public meant that she would encounter people, and Regina wasn’t particularly fond of people. Pair that with her inclination towards being an angry drunk and you had a recipe for disaster.

She was so frustrated with herself. She had really messed things up. Things were going... somewhere with Emma. They were reaching a whole other level of friendship: having dinner together, laughing together, cuddling and watching movies together, and somehow, within the span of two short days, she managed to ruin all of  that. Regina wanted to tell Emma everything, but she didn’t know how and when she tried all that came out was an apology so quiet even she had trouble hearing it.

Emma inclined her head so that her eyes met Regina’s. Normally Regina would gaze deeply into them. She would revel in their beauty, but now she had to keep her eyes from straying away in shame.

“Please,” Emma pleaded softly. “ Tell me what happened.”

Regina shook her head. She couldn’t tell Emma what happened. Couldn’t tell her that she wreaked all this havoc because she couldn’t get a hold of her emotions. Couldn’t tell Emma that she was essentially the reason for all this. That she and Hook had been engaging in a silent war for months because they were both in love with the same woman and that it had all finally come to a head.

Emma looked over at her boyfriend, who was now a mess of drenched leather and tiny bruises.  
For the first time since entering she noticed his almost complete lack of hair. All that was left of it was a tiny patch on the top left quadrant of his head. 

“Any words Hook?” she asked sternly.

“Aye.” he responded. “I love you.”

Emma buried her face in her hands. She had so many emotions warring within her. As sheriff in a  small town with magic she was accustomed to walking in on some terrible situations. Ogre attacks, dragon sex in the park, and so much more. If you could name it, Emma had probably dealt with it. She could detach from those situations and approach them objectively, but this was different. She was right in the middle of this chaotic mess and the same words kept rolling around in her head: Domestic dispute, Hook, Regina,Bedroom, Fire. None of it made sense, but she knew she had to act. With tears in her eyes and an ache in her chest she said something she never thought she would have to say to her boyfriend and her best friend.

“I’m sorry, but your both under arrest.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry. Please don't kill me. I beg for mercy. Don't worry SWEN. It gets worse before it gets better and I promise you: it will get better.


	3. The One With the Bathroom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Regina and Emma continue to pine after one another, Lily cooks up a scheme to get them together, and Hook can’t stop using the bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I don't own Once or any of its characters. Fyi Emma has her own apartment in this fic. Henry primarily lives with Regina, but stays with Emma alot too. There is some implied dragon/queen and a little bit flirting between Emma and Lily, but this is Swan Queen all the way. Please read and review. Those things are like crack to me and I'd really like to know if there is anything I can improve upon. Hope you enjoy!

This didn’t feel right. Nothing felt right. Lying in bed with him, all sweaty bodied and breathless, didn’t feel right when she so desperately wanted to be with someone else, and in a way she had been.  When she closed her eyes, and used her imagination, she wasn't with Killian anymore, she was with Regina and for the first time in months she felt alive. However, that moment like all good things came to an abrupt end, and when she came down from her high, she was hit with the cold, bitter taste of reality. When she looked over at the person beside her she was not met with Regina's soulful brown eyes or her soft full lips, but with the cocky smirk of a pirate that was too confident in his sexual prowess. He gave her a kiss and quickly fell asleep. She however, could do no such thing. She didn’t like the way his coarse beard felt against her skin, or the way his arms felt, heavy and rough, when they wrapped around her.  She shifted positions, moving here and there, hoping to find a nook, but no matter what she did, she couldn’t get comfortable. 

Feeling restless, she very carefully disentangled her body from his so as not to wake him, and started towards the kitchen. She really needed a drink, something that would give her a buzz, but when she went searching through the fridge all she found was rum; yet another reminder of the current situation she found herself in, because Emma was not a rum girl. She was a beer girl. A tequila girl. A vodka girl, and a whiskey girl on particularly stressful occasions, but she was not a rum girl. Sure it was ok every now and then, but she could never really get into it the way Killian did, she merely pretended to, because thats what she did these days. She pretended to be the perfect daughter her parents had always wanted. Pretended to be “The Savior” that everyone claimed they needed. Pretended to be in love because she felt an obligation towards the man that named her his redemption. It was more pressure than she had ever wanted or had ever asked for. Then again, no one really asked her if she wanted those things. They just thrust it upon her. 

She felt trapped and suddenly she didn’t want beer anymore. She wanted to run, needed to run. She got to the door in two long strides, but stopped when she remembered that she was naked. For a brief moment, she considered going back to the room to retrieve some clothing, but changed her mind when she remembered her magic. There was absolutely no need to go traipsing through the darkness to get her clothes like some sort of peasant.

Emma let out a soft laugh, because at that moment she sounded just like Regina who had apparently rubbed off on her. Emma was ok with that. Regina was, after all, smart as a whip and classy as hell. She knew stuff about the stock market and real estate. She knew stuff about fashion, like who all the designers were and what things were in this season. She even knew what kind of wine was best to eat with with a bacon burger (which Regina was vehemently against, but if Emma was going to insist on doing such a thing should at the very least pair it with a red wine, preferably, Zinfandel.) 

No, Emma didn’t mind being in the same league as Regina, except that she wasn’t. Regina was so far above her. Just like that cheesy 90’s song Emma loved. She loved it so much that she put it on one of the mixtapes she made for Regina. Sure it was just a tad bit whiny, but Emma could relate to the overall theme of not being good enough. After all, Regina was a former Queen. Emma on the other hand, was a former thief and poster child for teenage pregnancy. Regina deserved better than that.  If Emma thought about it, she didn’t know of anyone that was truly worthy of Regina’s affections. For a brief period she had been dating Robin Hood, but he turned out to be a complete dud. Actually, dud was being generous. He was an epic fail, his biggest flaw being that he could never make a decision and stick to it. Dates were a real issue because he would suggest a restaurant and tell Regina to dress up. She would then dress up, only to be told 5 minutes later that they were going to a different restaurant and that she should dress down. She would then dress down, only for him to tell her that he changed his mind again and that they were now going to the original restaurant. Their movie nights (or moving picture nights, as he called them) were even worse. He couldn’t decide on a genre. He would make Regina explain each genre to him only to settle on action. He always chose action. Once he settled on that he would make her cycle through all of the titles, reading the lengthy descriptions on the back of the box, and asking thousands of questions about the film. He would eventually pick a movie. “Regina, lets watch Die Hard,” he would say in his faux British accent. Regina would then fetch the the film and right as she was about to pop the DVD into the player he would change his mind again. 

“ Actually, I think we should watch Gladiator,” he would say hesitantly, as if it were an incredibly difficult decision to make, but as soon as Regina popped in the Gladiator DVD he would change his mind again and say, “Actually, I think we should watch Die Hard.” Regina, who never wavered in any decision she made, found this to be the worst of traits, and sent him packing. She had to “remove the wart.” Those were Regina’s exact words: “remove the wart.” 

Emma couldn’t have been more proud, neither could Henry. At dinner that night, he admitted to both his mothers that he thought Robin was “kind of a loser” and possibly not the real Robin Hood because “Robin Hood can’t miss that many targets” and “Grams is a better shot than him.” He even hypothesized that the man that claimed to be Robin Hood was actually a Zelena clone that used a glamour spell; a theory that left Regina feeling more than a bit queasy. This was Storybrooke, after all. Magic and tomfoolery were available in spades, so no one could say that it was completely out of the question. For Regina’s sake, Emma hoped it was, because the implications of that theory were downright disturbing! This wasn’t Game of Thrones and Regina wasn’t a Lannister, however, if it was Game of Thrones, Emma was sure that Regina would be Daenerys Targaryen of the House Targaryen, the First of Her Name, the Unburnt, Queen of Meereen, Queen of the Andals and the Rhoynar and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons. Regina did, after all, have the temper of a Targaryan and quite the affinity for fire. Aside from that she was brave and possessed a natural knack for leadership. She was also really beautiful, like ridiculously so. Emma could just imagine her now: long blue dress, her beautiful tresses blowing in the wind, as she stood on her balcony and surveyed all that she ruled. Emma would play a genderbent version of Daario Naharis, offering advice and conquering kingdoms in her name. She would gladly kneel before her Queen and serve her in any way she needed for as long as she needed, but while Emma wanted to be Daario Naharis, she was pretty sure she was Ser Jorah, Dany’s advisor and bff. He understood The Khaleesi on levels most people didn’t and would sacrifice anything for her, but was, without question, in the friend zone. He spent 50% of his screen time saying “Khaleesi” and the other 50% gazing at her from afar. The situation was bleak, both for Ser Jorah and for herself and she was suddenly reminded of why she was in the living room in the first place. She needed to get the hell out of her apartment, possibly get the hell out of Storybrooke. With that in mind, she magicked her typical jeans, wife beater, leather jacket ensemble onto her body and headed out the door. She wasn’t sure where she was going to go or how long she would be gone for. She just needed to be gone.

To Hook's chagrin, Emma stayed gone all evening and into the morning.  He awoke to a bed completely devoid of her presence. He looked at the vacant spot beside him and recalled their last night of lovemaking. For the first time in months Emma actually seemed present. She was normally distant, and when they had sex, she seemed to retreat even further into herself. She would touch him, but just barely, as if it pained her to do so, and he didn't understand why. He pulled out all the stops. Used up all the tricks he knew, but nothing seemed to work. Emma was, for all intents and purposes, faking it. He knew for a fact that she was faking it because he used to hear the real thing all the time. It was like music to his ears, like Bach or Beethoven, but now it was like some sort of sad circus act with no funding. Sure they could try to pass off a kitten in a wig as a lion, but the audience wouldn't be fooled. However, last night was different. For the first time in months she was the woman he fell in love with. She was passionate, adventurous, and unrestrained.  Things went so well that they even had a repeat performance. Their relationship was on an upswing or so he thought, until he woke up utterly alone. Then he knew he had a problem on his hands. Emma was gone, and he was once again going to have to find her. For a few brief moments he toyed with the idea of calling Regina. These days she was Emma's constant companion, but after much debate he decided against it. He would call the Charmings instead. They would most certainly be interested in helping him locate their missing daughter. He picked up the phone and hit the Charming button. The phone rang three times before he got an answer.

“Hello. David Nolan speaking.” His voice sounded bright and chipper. Apparently he was a morning person. Hook rolled his eyes. Of course Charming was a morning person.

“Do you know where Swan is?” Killian asked over-eagerly. He smacked himself in the forehead in reproach. He didn’t mean to come off so pathetically, and yet he did. Swan had that effect on him.

“She’s not with you?”

“If she was, do you think I’d be asking you about her?” Killian asked through gritted teeth. Charming was already wearing on his patience. Sure he was a nice guy, but he was very dense.

“Good point. Did you check with Regina?” He asked.

Killian groaned. Regina was the bane of his existence. She was the reason he had lost his luscious locks. The reason he was losing his precious Swan.

“Because Emma spends alot of time with her...” Charming continued. “Alot of time.”

Hook groaned again. There was no way he was contacting Regina. What if he called her and she was with Emma. What if Emma had snuck out of their bed last night only to warm Regina’s? He shook the thought. That was more pain then he was willing to deal with so early in the morning.

“I don’t have her phone number.” He lied, because he did have her phone number. The whole Charming gang, Belle, Regina, and himself had all exchanged phone numbers in case of an emergency and since there was always an emergency in Storybrooke they were almost always in communication with one another.

“How odd. I’ll have Snow check with Regina and call you back. Also,you might want to update your contact list. Its how we keep track of each other in case of emergencies.”

“Yes of course,” Hook responded and hung up. Five minutes later he received another call. He picked it up excitedly.

“Emma?”he answered hopefully.

“No. Its David. Emma isn’t with Regina,” he responded with concern. “Meet us at the house as soon as possible. We are going to find her.”

Twenty minutes later they were all gathered in the Charmings’ living room drinking tea. Mary Margaret was particularly skittish that morning and insisted on serving it to calm her nerves. She had called Emma repeatedly and gotten no answer. Now she was a mess, however she began to feel the nervousness subside a bit when Regina came barging through the front door with Henry in tow. Mary Margaret quickly closed the distance between them and grabbed her shoulders.

“Regina! I don’t know where Emma is and she isn’t picking up her phone and no one has seen her or heard from her. We need your help,” she said in one desperate breath. Ok so the nervousness hadn’t completely gone away, but her daughter was missing. What was else was she supposed to do?

“Don’t you usually?” Regina said cooly. She was going to leave it at that but knew that Snow was in desperate need of soothing, and would fly into an even deeper panic if she didn’t get it.

“I’m sure theres some sort of logical explanation for this,” she continued. “We can’t be sure that something nefarious is at work. Perhaps Emma went for a run.” She then looked at Killian with disdain. “If I had to wake up next to that every morning, I’d run too.”

A loud laugh was heard throughout the room. Henry was apparently terrible at holding in his laughter. Regina made a mental note to correct him on that. Casually flinging sassy one-liners while keeping a straight face was an important skill required of all Mills’, evil or otherwise.

“You bitch!”Hook bellowed from across the room. Within seconds Regina was in his personal space.

“You will watch your language around my son, or so help me I will take your hook and claw your eyes out with it, and you are going to look more ridiculous then you already do because you got your eyes clawed out by your own hook.”

“Stop it!” Mary Margaret yelled. “You two need to get a grip on this bad blood. Its not going to help us find Emma.”

“You’re right.” Regina conceded. “We need to focus on finding Emma.”

They searched everywhere they could think of: the diner, the docks, the woods, but came up short. Finally Henry suggested going to the town line. “She likes to go there to think,” he informed them.  Sure enough her bug was parked on the side of the road, just a feet away from the edge of town. They carefully approached the bright yellow vehicle, unsure of what they would find. What they did find was a sleeping Emma, who had curled up into a tiny ball with her head pressed against the window. A soft snore and an old song could be heard from outside the vehicle. Regina immediately recognized it as one of the tracks Emma had put on their “Friendship Mix.” 

Charming quietly tapped on the glass, afraid to startle his daughter. Apparently, he hadn’t tapped loudly enough because she failed to wake-up.  He tried again but this time Emma sprung to life.“What the hell?” she said looking around her. She wiped the sleep from her eyes and noticed her family. “Oh, hey guys,” she said sheepishly. Charming motioned for her to roll her window down and she obliged.

“Hey, sleepyhead. What are you doing all the way out here?” He questioned as if speaking to a small child.

“We were worried sick!” Snow butt in. “Why didn’t you pick up your phone?”

“Oh for Heaven’s sake” Regina interrupted. “Leave her alone.”

“Swan!”Hook exclaimed.

“Mom!” Henry joined.

“Whoa. Hey! Everybody just calm down,” Emma said raising her hands defensively. “I’m ok.” Really she hadn’t been. She spent most of the night crying, crying, and crying some more until she had finally just gotten so exhausted that she just cried herself to sleep. In between all that crying she managed to think about Regina and how beautiful she was and how much she cared cared for her, but then she also remembered how unattainable Regina was and ended up crying even more. On her best days Emma could convince herself that her feelings for Regina were purely physical. Regina was, after all, beautiful. Any idiot could see that, but she wasn’t just beautiful. She was breathtakingly, heart achingly, gut wrenchingly beautiful; and that was the worst kind of beautiful.  It was the kind of beautiful that made Saviors reject the light and embrace the title of  The Dark One and if given the choice, Emma would become The Dark One over and over again, because Regina was worth it. Regina was always worth it. 

For a long time after that whole fiasco the citizens of Storybrooke would ask Emma why she did it. Why did she sacrifice herself for The Evil Queen? and for the longest time Emma would answer with “because it was the right thing to do.” That wasn’t a complete lie, but it wasn’t the complete truth either. The complete truth didn’t come to her until one fateful morning at the mansion when she had woken up to a sleeping Regina in her arms. They had attempted to watch the entire Star Wars collection in one sitting and failed miserably because they dosed off before hitting the half way mark. Emma was okay with that because it apparently meant that she got to wake-up in such close proximity to Regina and despite her better judgement she allowed herself to stare at the woman before. She drank in her beauty as Regina’s intoxicating fragrance filled her senses. A stray hair hung over her face and just as Emma made a move to brush it away, Regina opened her eyes and greeted her with a quiet “hello.” In that moment Emma knew exactly why she sacrificed herself.

“Whats that?” Charming asked and pointed at a piece of paper that sat on the passenger seat. Emma quickly retrieved the paper, rolled it into a ball, and cast it to the back of the bug.

“That? Oh thats nothing,” she lied. “Just a doodle.” Only it wasn’t just a doodle. It was an extremely elaborate pencil drawing she had drawn of Regina. 

“Hmm,” was all he said in response. Sure he was an idiot but he wasn’t that much of an idiot. His daughter had clearly made a very detailed drawing of his now friend, former nemesis Regina, and was trying to play it off as nothing more then a doodle. Had it just been the two of them he would’ve commended her on her artistic abilities and then given her a stern talking to.  It wasn’t that he didn’t like Regina, he actually loved her, but she had a certain way of looking at his daughter that made him uncomfortable. He was okay with the loving looks Regina would give Emma. She’d blush and get all watery eyed. Then she’d get this tiny grin on her face that she would try to hide. No, David had no problem with that. What he did have a problem with was when Regina would fix Emma with a lascivious gaze that suggested unspeakable acts of a very sexual nature. He brought this point up with Mary Margaret, but was rebuffed when she informed him that Emma looked at Regina the same exact way and that they were both “two consenting adults” and as such could do “whatever they want with their bodies.” He supposed she was correct and if Emma and Regina, or Remma as he liked to call them, ever did become a couple there would be absolutely nothing he could to stop them. The two woman were both so stubborn that any attempts at keeping them apart would only push them closer together.

“Are you hungry?” Snow asked with concern, though she already knew the answer. Emma was always hungry.

“A little bit,” Emma said as visions of pancakes danced in her head.

“Great! We can all go to Granny’s for breakfast...as a family.”

“Actually we can’t all go to Granny’s,” Emma corrected. “Regina is banned. Remember?”

“How unfortunate,” Hook sarcastically muttered under his breath.

Regina was in fact banned from Granny’s Diner and Inn for the next year. Granny didn’t take too kindly to Regina setting both locations on fire within the course of two days. There were also some legal repercussions to Regina’s brief array into the world of arson. She was slapped with a hefty fine and a year’s worth of probation as well as community service that included the “beautification of Storybrooke’s landscape” which was fancy talk for picking up trash. She did this for two hours every saturday and every saturday a small band of Storybrooke’s more hateful citizens (Leroy of course numbered amoung them) would line up and hurl insults at her as she cleaned up. At first she was enraged by their behavior and debated adding another arson charge to her rap sheet, but chose instead, to take a page from the Mary Margaret play book and killed them with kindness by offering the hecklers a slice of home made apple pie. Unsurprisingly, they all refused her offer. After that they still showed up every saturday but were all alot less obnoxious about it.

A few more breakfast suggestions were thrown around before Henry came up with an idea of his own.

“I got it!” he said excitedly. “Lets go out of town. We’re already right by the line. We can have breakfast and check out some of the other stuff in Maine.”

They all stared at one another and gave silent nods of approval.

“Thats a great idea,” Regina said in approval.

“Is it cool if I invite Lily?” Emma asked to no one in particular. She received a few unintelligible murmurs in response. Lily was trying her best at playing good and had been quite successful but she only ever spent time with Emma or Malificent. Like most new people in Storybrooke she was treated with suspicion.“Shes been feeling kind of antsy lately and I think it’ll be good for her to get better acquainted with everyone,” she defended.

Regina remained silent. She didn’t necessarily dislike Lily, but she didn’t like her either. She seemed like a good enough person but had a few less than desirable traits, namely her inability to keep her hands off of Emma. She was always touching her. Running her fingers through her hair. Rubbing her back... Regina once walked into the sheriff’s station to find Lily giving Emma a back massage because “she just looked so tense” and “what kind of friend would I be if I didn’t help her release some of that tension?” She then gave Regina a wink and the smuggest grin she had seen since Emma came to Storybrooke. Emma for her part remained completely ignorant to what was transpiring. She was too busy moaning and saying things like “oh God” and “harder.” The whole scene was very inappropriate and Regina had left it as quickly as possible. No she wasn’t very fond of Lily, but she knew that Emma needed more friends outside of herself, so she ignored her own feelings as she often did when it came to Emma, and encouraged their friendship, even joining them on some of their outings.

"Come on guys," Emma urged. "I know she's a bit rough around the edges but so was I. So were Killian and Regina and barring those two incidents at Granny's they've both proven to be valuable members of our community." She looked around and noticed that her audience still hadn't taken the bait. She let out a deep sigh. It was time to break out the heavy artillery. "Look. We've all gotten a second chance. She deserves one too. She hasn't killed anyone, or cursed an entire realm, or sent a baby into a wardrobe or portal. We're not better than her. In fact she might be better then us. Aren't we the Charmings?"

"I'd sooner put myself under a sleeping curse before calling myself a Charming," Regina interjected with a roll of her eyes.Emma returned her eye roll with an amused smile and their eyes locked for a few brief moments before Emma continued her speech.

"Ok Regina. You're not a Charming and neither is Killian, but thats not the point. The point is that we believe in hope, second chances, happily ever afters, blah blah blah for everyone and we should help facilitate that."

Regina took a step forward and leaned into the window, lightly pushing Snow White out of the way in the process. “That was a beautiful speech Ms.Swan," she said playfully. "But how exactly does one go about facilitating blah, blah, blah?"

Emma looked at her appraisingly, slowly dragging her eyes from Regina’s cleavage, up to her lips, where she lingered for several long seconds before meeting her eyes. "I'm not sure Madam Mayor but perhaps you could help me find out," she said flirtatiously.

"I'd be glad to help you, though I'm not sure you are prepared for the challenged."

Emma gave her a heated look filled with lust and defiance."I'm always prepare for a good challenge but if for some reason I weren't, I’m sure you could whip me into shape."

"Oh for God's sake!" Mary Margaret yelled in exasperation. "You're son is right here."

"I really am." Henry chimed in, distress written on his face. "And I'm old enough to know what all that means."

Thanks to Killian’s newfound knowledge of pornography, which was the only thing he would ever thank Regina for, he also knew what the conversation meant and sought a way to bring it to its conclusion.

"Indeed. Unfortunately we all are. Swan why don't you stick to the original topic of conversation and give this Lily a call?"

“I’m sorry what?” Emma asked, her eyes still glued to Regina’s.

“Call Lily,” he repeated, anger evident in his tone.

“Right,” she said before dialing her old friend.

She picked up after two rings, and upon hearing Emma’s proposal, agreed to “make an appearance.” Lily tried to act nonchalant about the entire thing, but Emma knew her well enough to know that she was actually very excited to be leaving Storybrooke and it wasn’t long before Emma spotted her dragon friend circling in the sky above them, Malificent in tow. 

Both dragons began their descent. They flapped their large wings and extended their legs for a smooth landing only Lily was still very clumsy about the whole matter and crashed into a nearby tree. She then transformed back into her human form and rubbed her aching head.

“I still haven’t got the hang of that,” she said with a self-deprecating smile.

“Are you ok?” Malificent asked with concern.

“I’m doing great, Mal,” Lily answered and dusted off her pants. 

Emma walked over to Lily. “You ok?” she asked and Lily nodded her head in response. 

“Sure you can’t stick the landing, but you’re a dragon!” Emma said with wonder. “You looked like,” she gestured wildly with her arms and pointed at the sky above them. “Freakin majestic up there. You’re wings are freakin huge!”

“I’m glad you’re impressed by my size,” Lily said with a wink as she put her arm around Emma’s shoulders. They shared an easy laugh and Regina looked on with jealousy, because what the hell was this Lily character playing at?

“They’re just friends,” she heard Maleficent say. Regina raised a questioning eyebrow. 

“Albeit very chummy friends,” Maleficent continued. “That touch each other quite frequently, but so were we, so perhaps you have nothing to worry about... or you have everything to worry about. Take your pick.”

Regina looked at her with disdain. “Do I detect a bit of jealousy?”

Maleficent shook her head, amazed by The Queen’s obtuseness.

“Don’t project your feelings Regina. Its quite off-putting and don’t delude yourself about our previous relations either. You were always just a pet to me; a pet that I housed, cared for, and trained, but a pet nonetheless and I could’ve thrown you out on your ass if I wanted to.”

“Only you never did” Regina said smugly, fully aware of the reasons why.

“Well you were a very cute, very obedient pet,” she said while softly caressing Regina’s cheek. “I would’ve been a fool to go through all that trouble only to allow someone else to benefit from all my hard work,” she said with a sly smile, which Regina returned with one of her own. 

“We have a complicated past.” Regina stated with a mischievous grin. “but a very fun one as well.”

“Indeed, we do,” Maleficent concurred. “And if you ever decide to rid yourself of all this Savior nonsense, remember that I’m only a phone call away and more than willing to show you a few new tricks.”

“Okay, everybody!” Charming yelled “Everyone needs to find a car to get into. I don’t care which car you get into, just get into one and we can take off.”

There were a few minutes of chaos as Hook and Lily both fought for shot gun in Emma’s car. Unamused by their antics, Henry chose to ride with Regina and Maleficent in the Mercedes instead. Lily eventually talked Hook into a game of rock, paper, scissors to see who would get the most coveted spot in the bug. Hook lost and very sadly made his way to the back seat. 

The ride to the restaurant was brief. The wait, however was not. The foyer was filled to the brim with people, and despite everyone’s hunger, Mary Margaret insisted on staying because according to her “a long line means that the food is good.” Regina disagreed and insisted that a long line “represents the human inclination towards a herd mentality” and that all those people were “merely lemmings who were incapable of thinking for themselves and would eventually follow a trend that would lead them to their demise.” However, she was ok with that because it would make the line at the restaurant much shorter.

Lily watched as Emma laughed for a solid five minutes about that, and Regina who was clearly desperate to impress her, continued the gag long after it had ceased to be funny.  However, neither woman seemed to notice and continued to flirt shamelessly. Emma’s hand was glued to Regina’s arm, perhaps permanently as Regina gave her bedroom eyes and flipped her hair around. It was all very disgusting, but also kind of cute in an E.T. sort of way, because even though both woman were kind of annoying with their PDA’s it was also really cool to see Emma smile and actually mean it. She normally gave everyone in town this awkward tight lipped side grin, like she was ready to punch them in the face or just leave the conversation all together, but she never did that with Regina. Regina always had her full attention. Regina always made her smile, and Lily appreciated that. 

Unfortunately, Emma was still with her boyfriend Hook, and didn’t seem to think that she deserved any better. However, Lily would have that conversation with Emma on another day, because a plan was very quickly beginning to form in her head. It was a short term plan and only consisted of three phases, but it was beautiful in its simplicity, and it gave her something to do for the next few hours. Having made up her mind, she tripped the man that had been standing in front of Emma, and watched with glee as he went crashing into Emma who went crashing into Regina who went crashing into the wall and was now pinned against it by Emma’s body. Lily smirked mischievously. Phase one of her as of yet unnamed operation was underway, and she couldn’t be more excited about it. Sure, Emma might get mad at her for it now, but in the long run she would thank her.

Emma pushed herself off of Regina and attempted to take a step back, but during the scuffle the crowd had somehow pressed in further and she was now standing mere inches away from Regina, arms against the wall with Regina in between them. She looked around her hoping to find some space and a way out of the awkward situation, but ultimately came up short because the foyer was busting at the seams and people were still trying to fight their way in. Emma tilted her head and laughed because of course this would happen. When she looked back down she was met with the most soulful brown eyes she had ever seen. She tried to speak words, but came up short and all she was able to conjure was a mumbled version of the word “hey.” Regina looked up at her shyly and returned her “hey” with a beautiful smile and a “hey” of her own. 

“Hi,” Emma found herself saying and even though she was immeasurably annoyed with herself for being so inarticulate she couldn’t stop smiling. Neither could Regina, because a small ray of light had entered through the blinds and was bathing Emma in its warm glow. She looked like an angel and Regina couldn’t help but be reminded of a passage of Romeo and Juliet that she normally loathed, but in this moment couldn’t help but appreciate: “But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.” Emma was her sun and Regina hated her for it because she made her do ridiculous things like mentally recite Shakespeare in overcrowded diners, and she fucking hated Shakespeare!

They both laughed at the situation they found themselves in.

“Are you comfortable, Ms. Swan?”

“Very. Though I could do without all the people.”

“Oh?”

Emma suddenly realized what she had unwittingly implied and sought to correct it. “No I didn’t mean you. You’re great. You’re amazing. I mean if it were just me and you in here... that would be awesome...”

“Would it be?” Regina questioned as she raised her eyebrows inquisitively. She then remained silent, content with watching Emma flounder her way through yet another poorly thought out explanation.

Emma looked at Regina with confusion until she once again realized what she implied.

“Oh no! Not like that!” she said with a shake of her head. “ I didn’t meant to imply that you... and me... in this diner... Wow! My mouth feels really dry. Its really hot in here. Do you feel hot Regina?”

Regina waited another beat.

“Shit! Not like that!” Emma continued. “I meant temperature wise. Its kind of warm in here.”

Regina began to slowly unbutton Emma’s coat. “You know Emma, this coat suits you quite well.”

“It does?” Emma asked with a hitch in her voice.

“It does. However, I feel that you are not using it to its full potential.”

“I’m not?” Emma asked as her face turned a bright red. 

“No, you aren’t.” Regina stopped her business with the coat and placed a hand on Emma’s cheek which had now turned an even brighter shade of red. 

“Because it has buttons. Buttons that are capable of unbottoning,” she said with humor in voice. 

Emma was in a zombie like trance and responded with the only word she was able to focus on.

“Buttons?”

“Buttons.” Regina confirmed and to Emma’s dismay she removed her hand from her cheek and undid the final one. “Better?”

Emma nodded her head. “Yes. Much better.”

“Granted you would probably be more comfortable in considerably less clothing. Maybe a wife beater and a pair of skimpy panties because you lack any sense of propriety.”

Emma sighed in embarrassment. “you remember that?

Regina schooled her features and tried to appear apathetic about the topic at hand, because of course she remembered. All of the forgetting spells in the world wouldn’t be enough to make her forget such an impressive sight.

"Of course. I came to your room ready to bombard you with subtle threats and was instead met by my sons's scantily clad birth mother. Do you greet every visitor like that?"

"Only mayors with control issues and there was nothing subtle about those threats."

“Well I was never known for my subtlety.” 

“You aren’t,” Emma agreed. “but you’ve got a flair for the dramatic and you’re fierce as hell. Its one of my favorite things about you.”

Regina wasn’t accustomed to receiving compliments. Her “flair for the dramatic” stemmed from her inability to suppress her feelings, and whereas most people in her life had always believed it to be her greatest flaw, Emma apparently believed it to be a strength. Regina added it to the ever-growing list of things she liked about Emma.

“You know when you say its one of your favorite things that implies that there are other things you like about me,” Regina teased.

Emma suddenly turned serious and looked at her fondly.

“Regina,” she said softly. “There are about a thousand things I like about you. You are smart, maybe too smart, because I sometimes have to use the dictionary app on my phone to understand what you’re saying, but I love it because you teach me so much about the world. You are brave and self-sacrificial, like stupidly so. You always just throw yourself into the middle of battles to save people you don’t even like and then I have to save your ass.”

“Maybe I just like a good fight.”

“No, you just give a damn about people who don’t deserve it and thats really admirable,” she said then placed her index finger on Regina’s lips to quiet her. “and with all due respect Your Majesty, I am in the middle of a speech and would appreciate not being interrupted.”

Regina nodded her head in agreement. She knew when to shut up and this was one such moment. 

“You are also really funny. You have this dark sense of humor and you say all these terrible, twisted things, but I can’t help but laugh because I’m usually thinking those same things only I’m too scared to say them, because when it comes down to it I’m kind of a coward.”

Regina frowned because somehow, after all this time, Emma still wasn’t aware of how amazing she actually was.

“Emma Swan, you are many things: stubborn, impatient, occasionally obnoxious, but you are most certainly not a coward,” she said with warmth in her voice. Her hands involuntarily made their way to Emma’s cheeks, and to her surprise, she leaned into the touch. “You are also stupidly brave. You challenged me, for one, but if you need more proof I’d like to remind you of that time you very foolishly took on a bloodthirsty mob to protect you sworn enemy. You also took on a wraith to protect this enemy. You also helped this sworn enemy prevent a trigger from destroying the entire town. You helped save our son against Pan and I’d be remiss if I failed to mention your most recent bout of stupidity, which involved becoming The Dark One in order to ensure someone else’s happy ending. I don’t know about you, but those do not sound like the actions of a coward to me.”

“I guess not,” Emma said unsure. She understood the concept of bravery, and could identify it in other people, but had a difficult time attaching it to herself. For most of her life she was taught to believe that she was in many ways inadequate, but there Regina was, whispering quiet reassurances and filling her with confidence. She took a deep breath, because she was overwhelmed by the situation, but in a good way, and though she thought it impossible, she found herself leaning closer into Regina.

"You know what I noticed Regina?"

"What?"

"All your examples? That wasn't me."

"Do you have a twin I am unaware of?"

"No I mean that wasn't me, or even you. That was us.We saved the town. We saved Henry. You saved me. I saved You.

"We saved each other." Regina whispered quietly.

"We saved each other," Emma repeated. Her chest was suddenly warm and filled with some emotion that she couldn’t name or fully understand. It felt weightless and free but it also felt incredibly strong and grounding. Like it could simultaneously send her floating into the sky like a tiny balloon but also anchor her to the ground beneath her.

"Swan!" Hook's voice cut through the crowd. "Our table is ready."

"You should..." Regina trailed off.

"Yeah I guess I should.'

Emma begrudgingly made her way through the crowd to get to Killian. He held out his hand expectantly but just as he was about to make contact, he was intercepted by Lily. She intertwined Emma’s fingers with hers and gave him a decidedly unapologetic grin.

“Sorry, Killian. I know you want this,” she said and dramatically gestured towards Emma like Vanna White on Wheel of Fortune, “but I’m stealing your bitch and feeding her breakfast and theres nothing you can do to stop it.” She looked at Emma and bat her eye lashes. “Right boo?”

Emma shrugged her shoulders and allowed Lily to lead her. Regina trailed behind them, grateful that she didn’t have magic at her disposal, because if she did, she may have set yet another diner on fire. It wasn't all bad though, the seating arrangement worked out so that Emma sat between herself and Lily. Originally, she had been less then enthused about that last part, but Lily seemed to be on her best behavior. She miraculously went through an entire meal without flirting with Emma, and Hook, well he was nowhere near either of them. He somehow would up at the far end of the table which made it nearly impossible for him to make conversation with anyone. He spent most of the meal stabbing his potatoes with his hook and endlessly staring at Emma. It was almost as if he believed that if he stared long enough, or hard enough, she would eventually make eye contact. Whenever Regina caught him doing this she would do her best Evil Queen impression and pretend to summon a fireball. He'd look away in fear and return to his potatoes, which he suddenly found more interesting then Emma.

After breakfast they found themselves at the Portland Museum of Art. Killian grumbled his way through most of the exhibits until they came across Winslow Homer’s work, which consisted almost entirely of paintings of boats and the ocean. He was completely transfixed by what he saw and when the group moved onto the next exhibit he refused to join them, because the paintings were “stirring something deep” within his soul.

“He really likes ships,” Henry noted wryly

“Yeah he does and apparently he loves Winslow Homer too” Emma said, slightly disappointed. It wasn't that Homer wasn’t a good artist, he definitely was, he was just a very predictable pick for a pirate. She was hoping that Killian would surprise her in some way, maybe he’d like someone unexpected like Georgia O’Keefe, but nope, he had to go with the boat dude. How stereotypical.

“Personally I prefer the impressionists. Monet is my favorite,” Regina cut in. “What about you Ms. Swan?”

Emma smiled because of course Regina was a Monet fan.

“I’m more of a Van Gogh kind of girl, but Monet is pretty high up there.”

“Don’t misunderstand me,Van Gogh is wonderful, but he lacks a certain amount of precision.”

“I’m going to argue that thats what makes him great. Any artist can learn precision, but  he painted with emotion, and he conveyed that emotion onto the canvas. A skill like that can’t be taught. Its kind of like magic right? and how magic is emotion and emotion and feelings is like the most powerful magic of all. Right?”

Regina smiled at Emma's passionate defense of Van Gogh, but shook her head at the blonde's amateur understanding of magic.

“Close, Ms. Swan, but not quite there."  She stepped forward, into Emma's personal space. It was a game that she had always loved to play. She'd get as close to Emma as possible, until they're faces were almost touching, and then she would provoke her. In the old days she would do this to make Emma lash out angrily, but now Regina did this to provoke an entirely different response from her. She hoped that if she pushed enough maybe one day Emma would give into temptation. 

 “True love,”Regina corrected huskily “is the most powerful magic of all.”

They continued their journey through the museum, Regina never leaving Emma’s side and vice versa. As they explored the exhibits together, Henry would often point out a piece that he liked and one or both moms would offer a critique or information about the artist. All the while, Emma couldn’t help but marvel at how easy it all was. There was no trying with her and Regina. Everything came naturally, and while her and Killian had always seemed like a question, she and Regina felt like an undeniable fact. It brought to mind Regina’s words from earlier: love is the most powerful magic of all, and she recalled how a desperate Killian had kissed her in an attempt to free her from the curse of The Dark One. He of course failed and would not stop trying to kiss her until Henry pushed him out of the way and broke the curse by kissing her forehead, just as she had done to him all those years ago. 

Killian was discouraged by the entire situation but tried to remain optimistic about their relationship by mentioning how erratic magic was in the new world. They both tried explaining it away, but in the end it only served as confirmation of what Emma had long suspected: Killian was not her true love and she was not his. They were merely two people who were killing time together until a better option came along. She supposed that there was nothing inherently wrong with that, at least not in the real world, but in a town populated by fairytale characters with unrealistic expectations, it was akin to murder.  However, she would be lying if she said she didn’t feel a little bit guilty about continuing in their relationship. She felt like she was stringing him along, which was terrible, but a very small part of her wasn’t ready to let him go and she knew he wasn’t ready to let her go either. It was the relationship equivalent of scraping the bottom of the peanut butter jar. Sure there was really nothing in there, but if one were especially determined they might be able to collect enough peanut butter to get a taste of the delicious substance. Thats what Emma was doing with Killian, or so she told herself. She was getting a taste of happiness and learning to be content with it, because if her life until this point was any indication, there was little to no chance of her actually experiencing the real thing. Nonetheless, she was still curious about the whole “True love is the most powerful magic of all” thing and decided to ask about it during lunch.

“Is true love really the most powerful magic of all? Is that a fact or someones opinion?” Emma asked as the ocean’s breeze blew her hair in twelve different directions. They were on some sort of boat cruise food tour because after the art museum Killian and Regina had fought for 20 minutes over what the next activity would be. Finally Charming, being the peace maker that he was, decided that they could combine the two desired activities into one, thus settling the disagreement and saving everyone from hearing the two bicker again. Though his intentions were good, the actual logistics of the plan did not work out as he had hoped. The wind was strong that day and kept blowing over the plates, the napkins, and the lobster hat Lily had acquired in the museum gift shop.

Snow stopped eating so that she could address her daughters question. “Its a fact. Your father and I have broken several curses in our time and it wasn’t because we were the best warriors or the most knowledgable about magic.”

“You can say that again,” Regina said with a roll of her eyes.

Snow continued despite the interruption “but we had true love. We were, and still are, willing to do anything for each other. I put myself under Regina’s sleeping curse to save Charming,” she said as she stared at her husband lovingly. “because thats what love is: sacrifice.”

As Killian listened to the conversation, he remembered how Emma had sacrificed herself for Regina’s happy ending, and grew uncomfortable.

“With all due respect Mary Margaret,” he piped up. “I disagree with you. True love is not the most powerful magic of all.”

Henry looked up from his food, suddenly defiant. “Because you’re some sort of expert on the topic?” he said with a scoff. Everyone’s head snapped up at his outburst.

“Henry!” Regina reprimanded, but only because she had to. In all actuality she was bursting with pride. Maybe he wasn’t her biological son, but when it came down to pluckiness, sarcasm, and intellect, he was all hers.

“What?” He asked as he shrugged his shoulders unapologetically. “He’s trying to argue with Grams, who has broken a ton of curses with true love, and you, one of the most powerful practitioners of magic, about the effectiveness of true love when he obviously knows nothing about it.”

“Henry thats enough,” Regina warned. “That is no way to speak to an adult and you should apologize,” she said and gave him a conspiratorial wink. He quickly caught on to the game they were playing and lowered his head in faux shame. “I’m sorry Killian,” he mumbled quietly.

“Its quite alright, lad,” Killian said with an air of smugness about him. He took a large bite of his crab cake and possessively slung his arm around Emma’s shoulders before continuing. “As I was saying before, I don’t believe that true love is the most powerful magic of all. True love doesn’t open portals, cast dark curses, or bring people back from the dead, but dark magic does. Dark magic is the most powerful magic of all.” 

A hush fell upon the group and Killian smirked triumphantly. Satisfied that he made his point, he took a long gulp from his glass and offered it to Emma, however she shook her head and declined his offer.

Maleficent, who for the most part had remained quiet during the discussion, spoke up. “I am well versed in dark magic. It has been my livelihood for most of my adult life and I have destroyed countless lives in its name, but I have not known anything to be as powerful or as true as the love I have experienced with my daughter. I’m sure, Regina feels the same way.”

Regina nodded her head in agreement. No matter what she encountered in life, or who she encountered, Henry would always be the only thing that was powerful enough to cast the darkness from her heart.

“As I am told Emma broke the dark curse with True Love’s Kiss,” Maleficent continued with conviction. “Regina also broke Zelena’s curse using the same method and despite her dark past she was able to wield light magic to defeat the forces of darkness. All because of her love for Henry.”

The entire group, minus Killian nodded their heads in agreement.

“She was, in that one moment, stronger then she had ever been during a lifetime of using dark magic, and the love that she currently possesses is lightening her heart every day.” She took a brief pause to allow her audience time to digest the information before looking at Killian pointedly and adding, “ and we can’t say that for everyone currently sitting at this table.”

Killian, who had been showing signs of extreme discomfort during Maleficent’s speech,  removed his arm from Emma’s shoulders and promptly excused himself.  
“Oh, thank God!” Henry exclaimed.

Everyone nodded their head in agreement.

The day progressed with much success. Everyone seemed to be having a good time except for the leather clad pirate who would only spend a few minutes with the group at time before disappearing again. Emma, was frustrated with him, not because she missed his presence, but because she thought he was being rather rude.

“Where’s your remora?” Lily asked her blonde friend.

“Um, what the hell is a remora?” 

“I’m glad you asked,” Lily said and pulled out her cell phone. She googled remora and clicked on the first link she saw. “According to Wikipedia,” she said in her best impression of a game show host. “ The remoras, sometimes called suckerfish, are a family (Echeneidae) of ray-finned fish in the order Perciformes...Bla blah, blah...” She scrunched her face up at the unfamiliar scientific terminology. “I’m gonna skip that part and get to the good stuff.... Basically, its a lazy fish that doesn’t want to swim so it attaches itself to much cooler aquatic animals to get to where it needs to go. They survive by eating the hosts’ leftover fragments or...ew this is gross... the hosts feces.”

“Are you saying that Killiam is a parasite?” Emma said with a twinge of anger in her voice. Sure he wasn’t the best, but she wasn’t going to allow yet another person to speak badly of him. She was a good girlfriend after all, and good girlfriends defended their boyfriends.

“No, I gave him more credit than that,” Lily said with a laugh. “A parasite lives off of the host, steals its food, fucks up its life, renders it useless. The host doesn’t benefit. In this scenario the host benefits a little bit because the remora cleans some of its skin tissue, kinda like how Killian cleaned that dish the other day. So the remora is not completely useless but make no mistake about it, the remora always take more then what it gives.”

“I appreciate your concern, but fuck off,” Emma said and began walking away.

“Where are you going?”

“To find my boyfriend.”

“You know its true!You wouldn’t be so defensive if it wasn’t!”

“Whatever,” Emma muttered under her breath and quickly turned on her heel only to bump into something tall and furry. She looked up and noticed that it was a replica of Big Foot. It was rocking on its base and she moved quickly to put it back in its place. “Stupid Big Foot,” she mumbled. “Stupid cryptozoology museum. Stupid Lily. Doesn’t even know what she's talking about.” 

She wondered where Killian was and gave him a call, but was met by his voicemail. “Stupid Killian,” she added and began to walk towards the Loch Ness Monster exhibit. Nessie was an enormous sea creature so if Killian would be anywhere, he would probably be there, but when she got there he was noticeably absent. The exhibit was completely empty except for one particularly enthusiastic patron who was wearing a Nessie emblazoned t-shirt and a matching Nessie hat. 

She let out a loud, frustrated groan and continued walking until she heard a great cry of pain. “What the hell?” She said and immediately went into Savior mode. She began to make her way towards the sounds and with each step she took they grew in intensity.

“Please, no!” She heard the voice yell. “I can’t take this anymore.”

She noticed that the voice sounded eerily familiar. “Killian!” she exclaimed and quickly pushed open the door the sounds were coming from. She stepped in and was met with a sight she was completely unprepared for. Killian’s eyes were closed, his face contorted in agony, his pants below his knees.  “Gods help me!” he screamed.

“Killian?” Emma said, unsure of the circumstance she found herself in.

His eyes suddenly burst open at the realization of who was standing in front of him. “Swan! You can’t see me like this,” he said with a pained expression and let out an earth shattering amount of wind.

Emma covered her nose in disgust. “Oh gross!That smell shouldn’t come from a human!

“Swan, please don’t leave me,” he pleaded, and reached for Emma’s arm, only he came up short and the momentum pushed him forward. He fell off of the toilet and face planted onto the ground. “Swan,” he cried out, but when he looked to his side he was dismayed to find that she had already left. 

Roughly 30 minutes later, when his ordeal was finally over, he exited the bathroom facilities and was surprised to find that Emma had waited for him. 

“Your alive,” she stated uncomfortably as the awkwardness of the situation overtook them both. “take this,” she said and handed him a bottle of Pepto-Bismol. He gratefully grabbed the bottle and partook of its contents.

“Thank you Swan. About what happened earlier-”

Emma shook her head as if doing so would rid her of the memory.

“Lets not talk about that.”

He reached for her hands and held them in his own. Staring into her eyes he dared to ask her the question that had been plaguing him. “Do you still love me?” 

He was met with a look of confusion.

“What do you mean. Like in general? or after the, um, thing that happened?” she asked nervously.

“The thing that happened,” he answered with a laugh. “I assumed the you loving me in general part. I am, of course, correct in that. Am I not?” he asked but it was more of a statement then a question.

“Yes,” she said and paused briefly. “Yes to both.” He pulled her into a hug, but it didn’t feel right.  It was too desperate, too suffocating, and she escaped it as quickly as she could.

“Lets meet up with the others,’ she said hastily.  
_________________________________________________

The moon shone brightly above them as they walked along the boardwalk. There was a chill in the air, but no one seemed to mind, least of all Emma who thanks to another one of Hook's bathroom excursions, was enjoying the company of her family and friends, most specifically Regina who looked more beautiful then usual. As they walked in tandem Emma noticed the way the wind blew through her hair and how the moon lit her face so perfectly, and despite herself she got lost in Regina's eyes. 

"What are you staring at so intently?" Regina asked.

Emma scratched her head nervously and averted her eyes. She wasn't aware that she had been staring. 

"Oh ummm. Theres a thing over there," she said and pointed at a nearby building that had a bit of graffiti on its wall. "It doesn't seem to fit in around here. Everything else is really nice and then theres that."

"Indeed," Regina said and hugged her arms closer to her body. The air around them was cold and Regina's outfit was completely impractical for the current weather conditions. She knew it would be but none of her jackets matched with her outfit and she had really wanted to impress Emma.

Emma took notice of Regina's discomfort and offered her jacket for warmth.

"Oh, no. Thats quite alright. I wouldn't want you to be cold," she said. Emma, being the gentlelady that she was, wouldn't hear of it and quickly removed her jacket and placed it around Regina's shoulders. It was more comfortable then Regina could have ever imagined and more importantly, perhaps most importantly, it smelled like Emma.

"Better?" Emma asked mimicking Regina's question from earlier in the day.

"Better," she responded with a warm smile. "Not that I care but, where is your pirate?" She asked with feigned nonchalance.

To Regina's surprise Emma burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. Her face went red and she doubled over from laughing so hard.

"Whats so funny, Emma?"

She straightened up and wiped the tears that had formed at the base of her eyes.

"He is preoccupied," she tried answering seriously, but she quickly broke down, and began her laughing fit all over again.

"Pull it together Ms. Swan," Regina said in her sternest Mayor Mills voice, but Emma's laughter was infectious and Regina soon found herself laughing as well. After a few moments Emma regained her composure and looked at Regina seriously.

"Diarrhea. He's got diarrhea," Emma said with a grin.

Regina immediately burst into a laughing fit of her own as Emma continued to fill her in on Hook's condition.

"He ate something bad at lunch. Maybe it was the crab cake. Anyway, you know how he's been disappearing all day?" 

"Yes." 

"Its cause of diarrhea." She then recounted the tale of how she had walked in on his bathroom mishap at the cryptozoology museum.

 "I really shouldn't have told you that,"she said guiltily. Regina, who was having a hard time standing up due to laughing so hard, assured her that she would keep Hook's secret. She then wrapped her arm around Emma's waist, but only for stability reasons, of course and not because it felt like the most natural thing to do while strolling down the boardwalk with her love interest on a moonlit night. Emma looked a bit surprised at first, but it quickly wore off, and Regina was not the least bit nervous or surprised when she wrapped her arm around her shoulders, nope not at all.

“Still cold?” Emma asked as she rubbed Regina’s arm.

“A little bit,” Regina lied. 

Emma pulled Regina closer to her.

“How about now?” Emma asked with concern, completely oblivious to Regina’s game.

“I’m feeling quite warm. Thank you, Miss Swan,” she said while appreciating the closeness of Emma’s body and the heat that was being exchanged between them. 

“You know I love it when you call me that.” Emma hadn’t meant to say that out loud but as usual her mouth was moving faster than her brain was and it thought that spewing her brain’s secrets was the appropriate thing to do in the current situation.

“Do you?” Regina asked and then she lowered her voice an octave and drawled out another “Miss Swan.” For Emma it was the equivalent to slow, painful torture, but what magnificent torture it was.

“Not fair.”

“Life’s not fair,” Regina said then brought her lips to Emma’s ear and whispered sensuously, “Ms. Swan.”

Emma’s body shivered in response and Regina was pleased with the reaction.

“That should be illegal in all 50 states,” Emma said while fighting off the desire that was building within her.

“What about the territories? Like Guam or The Virgin Islands?”

“Not there. They deserve to have some fun.” 

“We deserve to have fun,” Regina said huskily and looked at Emma with a lustful plea in her eyes. The atmosphere between them immediately shifted and the air became thick with unspoken desire. They had both been there before, on the precipice of need and good intentions, but neither woman ever crossed that boundary. This was the closest they had come and Emma knew that if she were to take that leap, there would be no turning back. She’d be lost forever and that thought terrified her. She cleared her throat uncomfortably and let out a deep breath. “Regina I-”

“Emma, it was a joke” Regina interrupted and she faked a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“Oh, yeah, a joke. Of course.” Emma said and did her best to hide the disappoint she was feeling.

They continued to walk and an uncomfortable silence came over them, each woman warring against the feelings inside them.

Emma was the first to break the silence.

“Hey, I have a question. Way back at breakfast when we were talking about that whole me answering the door in my underwear fiasco. I asked you if you remembered that whole thing and you said something like you couldn’t forget it. Did you...um... I mean was it...Am I...”

“Are you trying to ask me if I find you attractive?” Regina asked with a raised eyebrow.

Emma waved her free hand exaggeratedly. “No, No. Thats not what I mean...I guess it kind of is. Like, did everything look ok? Did you like what you saw? She tilted her head towards the heavens in exasperation. “Man, this isn’t coming out right.”

Regina stopped walking and faced the woman in front of her. “If you’re asking me if  I think you are attractive then the answer is yes... in a very Hitler Youth sort of way.”

Emma let out a boisterous laugh. “Hitler youth?”

“Yes, Hitler youth. You have those green eyes and this ridiculously long, yet incredibly beautiful mess of blonde hair.” She then ran her fingers through Emma’s hair and watched as a very pleased Emma closed her eyes and melted into the touch. She removed her hand from Emma’s hair and softly ran it along the length of her jawline. “And lets not forget about this incredibly strong jawline.” They smiled at each other and she suddenly felt strong arms pull her into a warm embrace. It felt like home. 

Emma held her closely as she gently cradled Regina’s head. “Thank you, ” she whispered into her ear.

“For what?”

“For being you.”

Time passed slowly and the world seemed to go quiet as they stayed wrapped in each other's arms. Unbeknownst to either of them, their friends and family were watching from a distance.

“My moms are in love aren’t they?” Henry asked, but the question was pointless because he already knew the answer.

“Yup.” Charming said simply.

 “How does that make you feel?” Snow inquired.

Henry stroked his chin thoughtfully.“I like it. What about you guys?”

Snow looked at her husband and held his gaze before answering. “I like it too. They work in a way that isn’t supposed to. They’re two imperfect people, but they’re perfect together. ”

Charming let out a deep sigh. “I’ve been thinking about this for a while and I think I’m ok with it.” He smiled at his wife and relief washed over them both. This topic had been a point of contention for several months, and it was now finally behind them. “They love each other and they love Henry,” he continued. “It sounds alot like a family to me. Thats all Emma has ever wanted and thats all I’ve ever wanted for her.”

“Yeah this kind of fixes everything doesn’t it?” Henry asked. “They won’t be fighting over me anymore and you guys won’t be at odds with mom as much. It’ll kind of be like back in the day when families married women off to make peace between opposing kingdoms. Not that I approve of that, but instead of someone forcing them into something it’ll be their choice!”

“So we’re all agreed then? This is a good thing right?” Charming asked Snow and Henry.

They both nodded their heads.

“This is a great thing!” Henry said enthusiastically.

Lily overhead the conversation that was taking place and smiled bittersweetly. She now knew that all members of the Charming/Mills family wanted Emma and Regina together, and it confirmed the reasoning behind her still unnamed operation, but she was still unsure about unrolling the last phase of her plan. It would hurt Emma, she knew that it would. It also had the potential to make Emma hate her, which would really suck, but the end result would make Emma really happy. She wondered if the ends justified the means and after a few minutes of back and forth she came to the conclusion that they did.

“Hey everyone,” she said to the group “I’m going to the john.”

“Do you know where it is?” Charming asked. “Its in that building right there. Thats the one Killian went to. He’s been having some tummy problems.” He then covered his hands with his mouth because he wasn’t supposed to give out that bit of information. Killian had told him about his bathroom issues in confidence.

“Right.” Lily said and made her way towards the building.

She came in just as Killian was leaving the restroom. He got distracted by a picture of an ocean and stopped to stare at it. She couldn’t have been more grateful for the distraction and set about finding the right woman for her plan. She looked around her and carefully critiqued the women in the bar. None of them were suitable. Several minutes passed and she was about to give up on her plan when she saw what, or rather who, she had been searching for.  
_______________________________________________

Emma and Regina, still glued to each other's sides, walked back to the group. Emma immediately noticed Lily’s absence. “Where’s Lily?” she asked Maleficent.

Her phone beeped before Maleficent could answer. It was a text from Lily that read:

“Hey boo, can you come to the bathroom in O’ Conners Pub? I need some lady supplies and I’m fresh out.”

“Hey, guys. I’m gonna head to the bathroom,” Emma said and reluctantly disentangled herself from Regina’s grasp. She gave Regina’s hand a light squeeze before leaving and quietly whispered, “I’ll be back soon.” She immediately regretted the action, because really? Its not like she was going far. She was just going a couple of feet down the street. She wouldn’t even be gone for long and it wasn’t like Regina was going to miss her or anything, but for some reason she had felt the need to reassure her. “Stupid Swan,” she muttered as she made her way down the street, already missing the way Regina’s arm felt around her waist. She assumed that she was just projecting her feelings onto the other woman. She really just needed to assure herself of Regina’s presence, not the other way around. She especially missed the warmth the brunette’s body provided her with. Since she had given Regina her jacket she was now walking around Portland, Maine in her wife beater and it was cold as hell. She looked at the signs overhead and silently rejoiced when she found one that proudly proclaimed that she had arrived at O’ Conners Pub. She entered the building and was happy to find that it was exactly her kind of place. It was a no frills kind of bar, but with some added flair. Like any good Irish American pub it had the Irish flag featured in a very prominent location, but aside from that there were white Christmas lights that hung from the rafters, and very large pictures of various locations in Ireland that appeared to be taken and developed during the 70’s. She stopped and stared at one photo that depicted a series of cliffs that jutted out from the sea.

"Those are the Cliffs of Moher," a gravelly voice spoke from beside her. She looked over and took note of the man. He was an older gentlemen and reminded her a bit of Popeye The Sailor Man. Given her experience with fairytale characters, she wondered if he was real too. Maybe this was him.

The old man took a puff from his pipe and blew the spoke into the air. "I took those pictures back in 76'. I started this place a few years after that."

"You own this place?" Emma asked with wonder.

"I sure do," the man responded with pride.

Emma was going to tell him how awesome she thought his establishment was until something shiny caught her eyes. The white Christmas lights reflected off of it and almost blinded her, but there was no mistaking what it was. She had seen it almost every day for the last few years and had even held it on a few occasions. She politely excused herself from her company and made her way towards the object and the person that was invariably connected to it and for the second time in one day she was shocked by the state its owner was in. There Killian was, pressed against a wall, with his tongue down some leggy brunette's throat."Hey!"Emma said and waited for him to notice her presence but he was too busy rubbing his good hand all over the stranger's ass. She tapped him on his shoulder and he broke the kiss long enough to say "Bloody hell! Can't you see I'm busy?" but did a double take when he realized who he was speaking to. 

"Swan! Its not what it looks like!" He exclaimed and pushed the woman away from him.

"Save it," she said through gritted teeth and quickly turned on her heels. Killian grabbed her arm to stop her from leaving. She spun around and jabbed an angry finger at his chest. "Don't fucking touch me because I'm liable to do anything right now and I will beat the shit out of you and not feeling any which way about it.”

"Swan, please just listen to me," he pleaded.

"Shut up, Hook. Two things are about to happen. I'm going to walk away and you're going to leave me the hell alone."

"But how will I get home?"

Emma roller her eyes dramatically. "I don't see how thats any of my concern, but feel free to ride in the bed of David's truck like the dog that you are," she said and quickly exited the bar.

Killian, who was glued to his spot, watched as the woman he loved walked out of his life.

"Rough night?" he heard a familiar voice ask. He looked over and saw that the voice belonged to Lily. She wore a sly grin, and though he didn't know how, he got the unshakable feeling that she had something to do with the events that had just transpired. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to review ;)


	4. The One With the Sleepover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lily explains mixtapes, Henry has terrible timing, and our favorite heroines have a sleepover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. My life has been crazy these last few months. New state, new house, new job, new life. At any rate, I'm glad this is finally out in the world. Here is chapter 4.

There are times in life when ones wishes for something with all of their soul, only they are too afraid to take fate into their own hands, so they pray that the universe will take pity upon them and orchestrate the desired outcome on their behalf. Much of Emma Swan’s life was spent this way, whispering desperate prayers into the wind, only to have them fall on death ears, so she was more than a little surprised by the dramatic turn her otherwise peaceful evening had taken. For months she had hoped for a way out of her relationship, which had become a dull and lifeless burden, but now that the opportunity to abandon it was before her she found herself mourning its potential loss. It was boring and cumbersome, but it provided her with an odd sort of stability that she hadn’t experienced in years. Aside from that, somewhere along the way, her and Killian had become friends. Through all of their various adventures, she had, against her better judgement, come to trust him and he had, despite his countless declarations of love, come to betray her. 

She gripped the wheel tighter, a mixture of anger and sadness dancing across her fingertips. There was magic too, lingering right beneath the surface, just waiting to be unleashed, however she ignored its intoxicating call and focused her attention on the road that lay ahead of her. It was slick from the rain that had just recently begun to fall, and despite her tendency to speed, she drove slowly and carefully. 

While the mood in the bright yellow bug was somber an entirely different scene was playing out in the Mercedes Benz that belonged to Storybrooke’s mayor. The evening had been kind to Regina and had gifted her with Emma’s pleasant company. She had strolled along the boardwalk beneath the light of the stars and in the comfort of Emma’s arms. Regina’s spirits were considerably high as she unashamedly bobbed her head and sang along to the music that played from her car’s stereo.

“This is a really awesome playlist,” Lily commented as she enthusiastically danced in her seat.

Regina gave her a shy smile. “Emma made it. The ridiculous sap has entitled it The Friendship Mix.”

“So, Like a Prayer made it onto the friendship mix?” Lily asked, being sure to place the word friendship in quotation marks, because there was absolutely nothing platonic about that song, or the act of making a playlist for that matter. Were there such things as friendship mixes? Yes, there were, but that was never how Emma used them. She used them as bold declarations of love. Lily knew that because she had received a few from the blonde herself. In the past, she gotten them for holidays, birthdays, and most frequently “just because.” However, none of those mixes ever came pre-relationship.

Regina huffed in irritation. She didn’t miss the sarcasm in Lily’s tone at the mention of the word friendship. “Of course it did. Emma is my friend and as such she knows that I have a certain appreciation for the music of Madonna so she put it on the friendship mix,” she said and shrugged her shoulders like the whole thing was no big deal.

Lily laughed one of those deep belly laughs. “Yeah, that was really not subtle of her, but apparently it worked. You are as oblivious as she counted on you being.”

Regina silently counted to ten, because they were only a few minutes into the ride and Lily was already getting on her nerves. “What worked?”

“You’re not from this world so you probably aren’t familiar with the art of the mix-tape so let me fill you in on it. One does not simply make a mix-tape. No, one does not!” she said with a dramatic flourish of her hand. “If you make a mix-tape for someone you are trying to convey some sort of message and you carefully labor over the selections and pick songs that reflect that message-”

“Get to the point,” Regina interrupted. “You’re boring the life out of me.”

Lily nodded her head and smiled with glee. She couldn’t wait to deliver the next part of her monologue. “Yes, Your Majesty. The point is that Like a Prayer is a song about the wonderful art of oral sex and Emma put it on a mixtape made especially for you. She just didn’t want you to pick up on it, but in all actuality, she was trying to tell you that she wants to tickle your clam with her tongue!” She said with excitement. 

“Excuse me!” Regina exclaimed at her companion’s crassness.

“She wants to eat your cherry pie.”

“Lily...” she said with a warning. 

“Emma wants to go tongue spelunking into your cavern of passion. Do I really need to keep going, or have you gotten my point, because I’ve got like ten more of these just waiting in my back pocket.”

“Its not like that. Emma is my friend. Nothing more,” Regina said with a hint of sadness in her voice and it did not go unnoticed. Lily placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder, and to everyone’s surprise, including Regina’s, she did not burn it off.

“Let me guess you’re all bummed out because Emma is with Captain Leather Douche and you think you don’t have a chance?” Lily questioned. Regina nodded her head timidly. She couldn’t believe that she was admitting this to anyone, much less to Lily. 

“Well thanks to my plan he should be on his way out and you should be on your way in,” Lily said with a wink and a conspiratorial smile. She paused briefly before completing her suggestive line of thought: “In more ways than one.”

Regina raised an inquisitive eyebrow. “What are you talking about?”

Lily removed her hand from Regina’s shoulder and began to fidget as she prepared to explain the finer points of her still unnamed, but mostly successful operation. “I’d like to preface this by saying that I only want whats best for Emma...” 

“You’re stalling,” Regina said impatiently.

“I’d also like to say that I believe you are whats best for Emma...”

“You may continue.”

Lily took a deep breath before launching into her explanation. “Judging by your demeanor earlier I would say that you are pleased with the way your night ended.” Regina nodded her head in confirmation. “Well,” Lily continued. “I had to do a few things to make sure that happened. It all started in the restaurant foyer. You and Emma were looking pretty cozy, not that thats unusual, and though Emma hasn’t outright said it, I’m pretty sure she’s got some deep feelings for you of the non-platonic variety.”

Regina felt a bit of hope well up inside her, and though her better judgement told her not to trust the treacherous emotion, she couldn’t help but to feel optimistic at the prospect of Emma returning her feelings.

“I know Emma,” Lily continued. “I also know that she’s chicken shit when it comes to emotions and since she’s with Guyliner she’s even less likely to make a move. Its understandable, I guess. You know, fidelity, and all that crap,” she said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “So I decided to push her towards the right direction.”

The gears in Regina’s head began to turn. “You’re responsible for the man that knocked Emma into me aren’t you?”

“Yup,” Lily confirmed proudly. “I’m also responsible for Mr. Manpain’s nasty bout of diarrhea.” 

Regina’s eyebrows rose in amusement as an image of a diarrheic Killian flashed across her mind and she broke into laughter. When the laughter subsided Lily jumped back into her explanation. 

“I knew I had to get you guys to spend more time together and Hook was just going to get in the way. So I came up with the perfect distraction and picked up some exlax at the gas station. When the time was right I poured it into his drink and let nature takes its course.”

Regina shook her head in disbelief. She hadn’t believed Lily capable of carrying out such a well thought out plan. Emma had told Regina of the other woman’s manipulative tendencies, but most of her previous “projects” were amateur at best. They were impulsive and lacked cohesion, but this was the work of a master manipulator. Regina admired her handiwork, but also feared it. If Lily was this adept at playing others, how could Regina trust that she herself wasn’t being played?

“Why are you doing this?” she asked. “How do I know that this wasn’t just a ploy for you to come swooping in and woo Emma for yourself.”

Lily took a moment before sighing deeply. “I blew my chance years ago. Emma gave me the best of her and I gave her the worst of me because thats all I had to give. I know you probably won’t believe me when I say it, but I really am doing all of this for her. That little ray of sunshine deserves to be happy. I think you’re her best chance at that.”

Regina silently sifted through the information Lily had provided her with. She kept looking for a lie, but discovered that there was none to be found. The other woman truly cared for Emma.

“Do you still love her?” Regina asked and it was not motivated by jealousy, but rather, curiosity.

Lily nervously raked her fingers through her hair and let out another deep sigh. “Of course I do. First loves and all that.”

Regina nodded her head in understanding. She had practically torn the world apart because of her first love and even though many years had passed since they were together, Daniel still held a very special place in her heart.

“But don’t worry. I know I don’t deserve her,” Lily said with resignation. “I’m not your competition. More like your fairy god...something...”

Regina glanced at her briefly. “Thank you,” she said and felt grateful that someone would go to such lengths for Emma.

“Maybe you should hold your applause till later. ” Lily began to fidget again. She swallowed the lump in her throat and thought of the best way to tell Regina about the last phase of her plan. After debating for several moments she decided that there was no easy way to say what she had to say, so she just dove in head first. She told Regina everything. She told her about how she had paid a beautiful stranger to proposition Hook, and how he had wholeheartedly accepted the proposition, just as Lily knew he would. Lastly she told Regina about how she had arranged it so that Emma would be there to witness the entire thing. A deep, dark silence enveloped the car, and Lily swore that she felt a chill in the air. She suddenly understood how Regina had been given the title of The Evil Queen. 

“How dare you.” Regina’s voice was low and dangerous. It gave Lily goosebumps and sent shivers down her spine. Her first instinct was to unclip her seat belt and jump out of the vehicle, but something told her that even that wouldn’t be enough to save her from the former queen’s wrath, so she sat quietly and tried not to make any sudden movements. 

Regina, however, made all of the sudden movements. She jerked the steering wheel to the right and sent the car careening onto the shoulder before coming to an abrupt stop. There was an unmistakable fire in her eyes that spoke of violence and destruction. Lily’s fists shot up defensively. 

“Look lady, I’m not trying to fight you, but I will if I have to.”

Regina barreled through, ignoring the statement altogether. “ How could you do this to Emma? You claim to love her and then you pull this..this stunt!” She bellowed as her voice filled the car. The truth of her words cut through Lily’s flesh and reverberated throughout her bones, but Lily was never one to give someone the upper hand, and even though she was as wrong as anyone had ever been, she couldn’t allow Regina’s anger to remain unchallenged. 

“I did what had to be done! Don’t be mad at me because I had enough balls to do what you couldn’t.”

Regina shook with rage. For a few brief moments she wished for her magic. Had it been available to her, the conversation they were involved in would not be taking place. Lily would be screaming in pain and she would be smiling happily. The Evil Queen in her was delighted, but Reformed Regina, was thoroughly disgusted. She remembered tearful goodbyes at the town line, Emma being consumed by the darkness, long conversations about redemption, and suddenly she knew that it wasn’t worth it. It wasn’t worth it to cast spells or punch Lily in the face. Emma wouldn’t want that.

“You’re lucky I don’t have magic here or you’d be a pile of ash,” she said haughtily, but she knew it wasn’t true. Despite her natural inclination to harm those that would dare disrespect her, she knew that she had changed too much to go through with it. She had Henry, and now Emma, to think about. She knew that she had to put some distance between herself and the other woman so she stepped out of the car and took several deep breaths. 

She had recently come to the realization that she was the not-so-proud owner of a very bad temper and wished to avail herself of it. When she expressed this concern to Emma she didn't laugh like Regina expected her to, or say something like "you're just now figuring this out". She simply stood up and left; leaving a very confused Regina to wonder what she had done wrong. However, she returned several minutes later with an apology on her lips and a book in her hands. She pushed the book towards Regina.

"Read this," she said in a voice that left no room for argument.

Regina looked at the cover and let out a laugh. It was called "Buddhism for a Better Life." The cover bore the picture of a serene looking monk as he mediated in the center of a lotus garden.

"Are you trying to convert me Swan?"

"No its not like that," Emma insisted with a shake of her head.

"I never took you for the religious type," Regina said teasingly.

"I'm not." Emma's eyes darted around the room uncomfortably.

Regina noticed Emma's discomfort. She saw the way she fidgeted with her hands until she shoved them into her back pockets, because she very clearly didn't know what else to do with them. Regina also didn't miss the way Emma began to uneasily shift her feet from side to side.

"But this book means something to you," Regina said knowingly.

"Yeah, it does."

Regina pat the couch cushion beside her. "I'd love to hear about it."

"I got it when I was in jail," Emma said quickly and Regina was not surprised. "It was before I knew I was pregnant and I was just... I was just so sad and trapped and scared, but more than anything I was angry. I was so angry at Neal for what he did..."

She stopped talking and began to rock back and forth, her eyes never leaving the wall in front of her. She went somewhere else then; to a small jail cell in Arizona and Regina feared that she would stay there if she was left to her own devices. She began to rub soothing circles on Emma's back and it didn't take more than a few seconds before she returned to the present. 

"I became this shell of a person. The only thing that made me feel alive was the anger. Day and night all I would do was think of ways of getting back at him. I’m ashamed to say that at some point murder wasn’t completely off the table for me anymore. Anyway, I eventually came across this book. I ignored most of the religious stuff and focused on meditating. It was really tough at first, but with the help of another one of the inmates I was able to work past it. Eventually I found that I wasn't so angry anymore and instead of focusing on revenge I was able to focus on getting healthy; physically and emotionally. Even though I wasn’t going to raise Henry, I knew that I wanted to make his transition into the world as smooth as possible."

Regina turned the book over in her hands a few times and flipped through the pages. It was in surprisingly good condition for being as old as it was. "Alright," she conceded. "I'll give it a try."

Emma immediately brightened up and she unfurled herself from her previous position. "Do you want help?"

"I wasn't aware that this was a group activity."

"With the exercises. Its kind of difficult to do on your own. Well it probably won't be for you. You're really smart and you've got laser like focus," Emma rambled.

Regina felt a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips. “Indeed, but I am no master of meditation. It would be an honor to be under your tutelage.”

“Really?” Emma asked with barely concealed excitement as she bounced in her seat. 

“Really.”

The next day they both sat barefoot and cross legged, their backs against a wall in Emma's living room. 

“Now, Regina,” Emma began. “The point of this exercise is to meditate on an object. Only you’re not supposed to focus on the details. You’re just supposed to focus on its form and color. Its great for beginners and its supposed to help anchor you to the present." 

"So what object am I supposed to pick?'

"It could be anything. Literally anything, though you want it to be something thats soothing and pleasing to the eye."

Regina's eyes briefly scanned the room and naturally fell upon the thing, or rather the person that met the aforementioned criteria. Her brain told her not to stare, but her eyes didn’t receive the message. Emma turned to face her.

“Did you find your object?”

Regina dodged the question. “This is starting to feel like a game of eye spy,” she responded with feigned disinterest.

Emma reached over and placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “Hey don’t worry. I know it seems difficult, but you’ll get it. You’re not in this alone. You’ve got me and we’re an unstoppable team: The Queen and The Savior. Together we’ve taken on curses, wraiths, triggers, Peter Pan, The Wicked Witch, a Chernabog. Theres more, but you get the point. If we can do all that I’m pretty sure we can handle a bit of meditation. Right?”

“We’ve overcome quite a bit together haven’t we?” Regina asked and she knew she was smiling wildly and that her eyes were sparkling with something that looked alot like love, but she couldn’t find it in herself to care, much less stop, because for a few brief seconds she swore she saw the same thing in Emma’s eyes. Perhaps it was a delusion fueled by nothing more than wishful thinking, but it was a beautiful delusion. 

“We have and I hope that we keep doing that. Kicking ass and taking names...” She trailed off and took Regina’s hands in hers. She stared at their joined hands and a look of wonder briefly flashed across her face. It was almost as if her mind was piecing together the fragments of a long ignored puzzle. “Together.” Her eyes looked up at Regina from beneath long lashes that fluttered with hope.

“I’d like that,” Regina responded and it was so quiet it was almost a whisper. She held Emma’s gaze and they got lost in each other’s eyes.

“Moms? What are you guys doing?”

Both women looked up at Henry, looked down, and realized that they were still holding hands. Neither knew when it happened or how long they had been doing it. They had been lost in their own little bubble, which had just been burst by their son, who apparently had terrible timing. They let go of their respective grasps, though neither felt the desire to do so.

“Meditating,” Emma said, but it really sounded like a question rather than a statement.

Henry pointed between his moms and raised an eyebrow. It was eerily reminiscent of an expression Regina was sure her own face made any time she spoke to a Charming. “That doesn’t look like meditating.”

“Kid, mediation doesn’t look like anything. Its an internal process. How can you know whats going on internally? Can you read minds?” Emma questioned defensively. She waited from a response from Henry and when she didn’t get one she crossed her arms and raised her chin in triumph. However, much like both of his mothers, Henry was never one to be outclassed.

“I can’t read minds, but I can read faces, and the story your faces are telling has absolutely nothing to do with meditation.”

Regina was proud of Henry for being so quick-witted and sassy. She also wanted to kill him for being, as Emma had once called him, “a smug little shit” and within seconds she found herself half-heartedly sending him to his room.

“But I just got here,” he countered.

“Go do homework or something,” she ordered and it sounded alot like something Emma would say.

He looked to Emma for sympathy but there was none to be found from his birth mother.

“Sorry Kid. Listen to your mom.”

He groaned in frustration. “Fine. I’ll go do my homework and while I do that maybe you guys can prepare a cheese tray, drink fine wine, and listen to a Melissa Ethridge cd or maybe marathon the L-Word together and whisper sweet nothings into eachother’s ears because thats what best friends do don’t they? They casually make magic together and promise each other happy endings, and share kids. You know just general, run-of-the-mill, gal pal stuff!” 

When Henry finally finished his rant the room went completely silent. He had hit a nerve and he was going to pay for it. Emma rose to her full height and closed the distance between her and her son.

“Wow, kid you really went for it didn’t you?” She asked and it was the most authoritative tone either Henry or Regina had ever heard her use. “Its not ok to talk me or Regina that way. That was extremely disrespectful. So you’re going to go to your room like your mother told you to do in the first place and your going do your homework. When your done with that I want you to clean the bathroom and take out the kitchen trash. Once dinner is ready you can eat, take a shower, and go to sleep. No comics, no books, and no screens. Straight to bed. Do not pass go. Do not collect two hundred dollars. Got it?

“Yes.”

“Good. Now apologize to your mother.”

Henry faced Regina. “Sorry Mom.”

Regina, who was usually the bad cop to Emma’s good cop, was in completely unchartered territory and the only response she was able to come up with involved nodding her head in acknowledgement and giving Henry what she knew had to be a very awkward smile. He hung his head low and walked to his room, dragging his feet along the way. Once they heard the sound of the door clicking Emma turned to Regina and scrunched her nose uncertainly. “Too much?”

Regina considered her words before answering. “I don’t think it was too much. It was just... too much for you.”

“What do you mean too much for me?”

“Well I’m usually the one to dole out the punishments. You get to be the fun mom.”

Emma walked over to Regina and sat beside her. “Thats not fair to you though. Look, Regina, I don’t ever want to force you to be the bad guy like I did when I first moved to Storybrooke. ”

Regina laughed softly. “Emma, I was the bad guy. I cursed an entire realm. I cut the breaks in your car. I framed Snow for murder.”

“You were just keeping me on my toes, and yeah you did all of that and it was pretty terrible of you, but I was wrong to ever have questioned your love for Henry. I think my old foster kid issues kind of kicked in during all this.”

Regina placed a comforting hand on Emma’s knee. “What do you mean?”

Emma took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling as if it were suddenly the most interesting thing in the world. “Well, I’ve told you before that the foster care system wasn’t exactly kind to me. I was bounced from place to place. I was abused by several of my parents during my life and no one ever knew and any time I tried to tell someone about it I was shut down and ignored. I just wanted someone to listen to me...”

“So when you met Henry, who had the habit of running away from home and disappearing for hours on end and seemed to have no friends...when he told you about how horrible his mom was, you were just trying to listen to him. You were trying to give him the ear and the voice that no one ever gave you?”

Emma nodded her head. “Yeah I think thats what happened. I’m sorry, Regina.”

“Well now that I understand your thought process a little more, I am sorry as well. I had assumed it was all about power for you, but now that I’m seeing things more clearly I can honestly say that we were both doing what we thought was best for Henry given the information we had about one another. We just had entirely different opinions about what the best thing for Henry was.”

Emma gave Regina a confident smile. “I think I know what that is.”

Regina rolled her eyes playfully. “Please, enlighten me, oh wise Savior.”

“The Queen and The Savior. Saving his ass from evil villains and grounding him when he’s being a little shit. Two strong woman whose power is only matched by their love for their son.”  
She paused for a brief moment and her eyes grew large as if she had just realized something of monumental importance. “Regina we sound very married! We sound like married superheroes!” she exclaimed and playfully nudged Regina with her shoulder. Regina returned the nudge with a nudge of her own. 

“As if I’d marry you. You’re messy, you’re late to everything, you never use coasters...”

“But I bring you lunch at least three times a week, I make amazing pancakes, and I’m a fantastic cuddler.” She gave Regina a look that dared her to deny any of those things and Regina didn’t because they were all true. She found that Emma was especially adept at cuddling.

“I suppose you do have several redeeming qualities and if I were feeling generous I might even say that you have a few endearing ones as well,” Regina drawled as though it pained her to admit such a thing. 

“You really have a way of making a girl feel special. I know what you bring to this marriage, my formerly evil friend.”

Regina scoffed. “I think thats obvious, but go ahead. I’m just dying to see what you come up with.”

Emma stuck out her hand and began to tick off the items with her fingers. “Misanthropy, general grumpiness, an unhealthy affinity for fire, and an endless supply of sarcasm. Did I miss anything?”

“Indeed you did. You missed that I have an amazing sense of style. I’m also an incredible chef.” She leaned closer to Emma and whispered in her ear, “ and an even better lover.”

Emma’s eyes grew wide. “I, um, I can vouch for the first two things,” she stuttered. “but I don’t know anything about the last thing, but your kind of a perfectionist, so I can kind of imagine that you’d be good at that last thing.” Her eyes grew wider at the implication. “Oh, no! Thats not what I meant. I’m not like actively imagining what sex with you would be like or anything like that. I’m just saying that based on your dedication to excellence in most areas of your life one could only assume that you would show that same dedication in the um, the bedroom, or on the couch, or the kitchen floor...” She finally finished her rambling, but not without difficulty. Her face had turned what was perhaps the brightest red Regina had ever seen.

Regina grinned mischievously. “Based on my past performances, I’d say that that is an accurate assesment.”

A very frazzled Emma changed the topic. “We’re supposed to be meditating right? Lets meditate.”

Regina huffed in frustration. She was just starting to have a good time.

“Are you ready?” Emma inquired. Regina nodded her head in response.

“Great! Now remember, Regina. This meditation is supposed to anchor you to the present. Theres no past or future. Only now..."

Regina took deep breaths and focused on an object to calm herself. Interestingly enough, her object was a bright yellow mailbox located several feet in front of her. It reminded her of Emma’s bug, which in turn, reminded her of Emma and she instantly felt calmer. She heard the sound of footsteps approaching and she turned to find a fearful Lily. Her arms were up in surrender.

“Permission to speak,” she said hesitantly.

“Permission granted.”

Lily scratched the back of her head and shuffled around uncomfortably. “I thought about what you said...”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, and I hate to say it, but your right. I manipulated Emma. She’s had enough people do that to her, myself included. She doesn’t deserve that.”

Regina shook her head. “She most certainly doesn’t.”

Lily hung her head in shame. “I know it doesn’t look like it, but I was trying to do the right thing you know? I just don’t always know what that is or how to do it, but I did do it for Emma and I do want her to be happy.”

Regina was filled with sympathy for the other woman. For most people, doing good came naturally, but for people like Lily and herself, it was a struggle. They were predisposed to bask in the shadows. “I understand. The road to redemption is not an easy one, but perhaps we can help each other,” she said with what she hoped was an encouraging smile. Lily’s eyes finally met hers.

“Shit, you’re awesome! I totally get what Emma sees in you.” 

Regina shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly. “Well, yes, I am quite impressive, and for being loud, brash, and a general pain in the ass, you aren’t so bad yourself.”

“Are we going to hug this out?” Lily asked hopefully.

Regina raised a skeptical eyebrow in response.

“I’ll take that as a no.”

The rest of the car ride was spent in mostly companionable silence and it wasn’t long before they were in front of Maleficent and Lily’s new home. They exited the vehicle and as Maleficent sleepily made her way up the driveway, Lily stayed behind to speak to Regina.

“Thanks for not setting me on fire.”

“You’re quite welcome, “Regina returned. “But if you ever hurt Emma again...”

Lily laughed. “I know I’ll be a human torch. Got it. Speaking of Emma, I think you should check on her.”

“I should?”

Lily nodded her head affirmatively. “You should. Right now she needs a friend to help her through what happened and from what I understand you’re the only person that currently fits that description.”

The realization hit her quite hard. She really was Emma’s only friend and the thought of her potentially spending the rest of the night crying her eyes out saddened Regina deeply. “Yes, I suppose I should.”

“I suggest bringing her something greasy and enough beer to fill her tub with.”

“Okay, I’ll do that. Thank you Lily.”

Fifteen minutes later she found herself outside of Emma’s door with a six pack and an order of cheese fries from The Rabbit Hole. She raised a fist to knock on the door, but quickly lowered it. She wasn’t entirely sure of how she would act or of what she would say once Emma opened the door. Maybe something along the lines of “I’m sorry about your smelly, pirate boyfriend and I’m very sad that you are sad, but I’m also kind of happy because that means that I’ve got a chance with you and I’ll feed you, and hold you, and kiss every inch of your body and make sweet, sweet love to you all night and into tomorrow morning, if you’ll let me.” 

Regina replayed it in her head and decided that it wasn’t going to work. It was a little too desperate. She needed to be subtle and play it cool. She suddenly imagined herself as the Fonz. She’d wear tight jeans, a white t-shirt, and a leather jacket. She’d top the look off with a pair of dark sunglasses and nonchalantly lean against the door frame. When Emma opened the door she’d look pleasantly surprised, (maybe too pleasantly surprised for tv audiences in the 60’s) and Regina would greet her by letting out a lazy hey and throwing up her thumbs. Emma would then swoon and Regina would pick her up and carry her away. The door would close on its own and the camera would slowly pan out. 

She frowned at the thought. It was a little too wholesome for her. The sort of thing Snow White probably fantasized about. Soft, boring, vanilla sex followed by soft, boring, vanilla ice cream at the local parlor where the owner was probably hosting a sock hop. She shuddered at the thought, and thanks to the revulsion she felt, found the courage to knock on the door. It opened just seconds later to reveal a miserable looking Emma clad in a white wife beater and the shortest shorts Regina had seen since Ruby during the curse. She opened her mouth to form words, but nothing came out so she settled for forcefully shoving the items towards Emma and speed walking into the apartment. Emma looked at her amusedly. “Whoa! Wheres the fire?”

Regina stopped in her tracks. “I’m here-”

“Yes you are,” Emma noted with a smile.

Regina rolled her eyes but it was half-hearted and held no malice. “For you. I’m here for you.” 

Emma gave Regina a thankful smile. She set her food down onto the counter and wrapped her in a hug. They never used to do that. For the longest time it was almost as if they went out of their way not to touch, but one day after a particularly nasty battle with a time traveling ogre Regina somehow ended up being thrown into the clock tower again. She blacked out briefly and when she came to, found that Emma had been holding her in her arms. Since then Emma gave her hugs for everything. Regina was never opposed to any of them.

“I’m glad you’re here. Tonight I am in desperate need of my drinking buddy.”

“Thats why I brought you beer.”

“I love beer,” she said breaking the embrace. She sniffed the air enthusiastically. “Do I also smell cheese fries?”

Regina played coy. “Perhaps. Why don’t you check the bag?”

Emma opened the grease filled container like a child on Christmas. She closed her eyes and inhaled its scent. Then shoved a handful of cheesy fries into her mouth. “This is perfect,” she said with an appreciative moan. When she was done with her first round of fries she looked at Regina expectantly. 

Regina shrugged her shoulders. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You’re not going to make me eat all this by myself are you?”

Regina shook her head. “I’m not eating that. Its an instant heart attack.”

Emma threw her hands up in frustration. “Ugh, do we always have to go through this?”

“Go through what, Miss Swan?” Regina feigned ignorance, but she knew exactly what Emma was talking about.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about. I offer you food. You do the whole I couldn’t possibly put that trash in my body thing that you do and then I have to badger you until you eat. Once you try it you have what basically amounts to an orgasm and I have to practically fight you to get my food back.”

Regina placed a hand on her chest and gasped dramatically. “I would never do such a thing. I’m insulted that you would even suggest it.”

“Eat.”

Regina shook her head like a petulant five year old. “No.”

Emma grabbed a fistful of fries and slowly advanced on her. There was a mischievous glint in her eyes that Regina found thrilling. 

“Eat,” Emma repeated.

“No.”

Emma broke into a run and began to chase after Regina. They ran around the couch in circles several times before Emma was able to grab a solid hold of her. “Are you ready, Your Majesty?”

“For what?”

“This.”

She pushed Regina onto the couch and straddled her, pinning her arms down with one arm and holding onto a fist full of fries with the other. Regina squirmed, but it was more for show than anything else. She had absolutely no issues with the event that had just taken place. 

“Ms. Swan, you will get off of me, or -

“What?” Emma said cheekily. “You’ll punish me?”

Regina gave her a challenging look. “Be careful Ms. Swan. You have no idea what I’m capable of.”

Emma lowered her head, her face now a few inches away from Regina’s. They silently sized each other up. Their eyes searching... hoping...daring the other to make the first move. They had reached a turning point and the tension between them was like a tight rubber band, being pulled at both ends, threatening to snap at the slightest touch. “You, have no idea what I’m capable of,” Emma said and it was throaty and needy, yet strong and commanding. She slowly leaned forward until their breaths intermingled and they were nose to nose.

“Moms, you guys really need to be quiet. I have schoo-.” 

Emma instantly jumped off of Regina at the sound of Henry’s voice. His eyes were the size of saucers and his mouth hung open in shock. “I’m, uh. Im just gonna...I’m gonna go. To my room,” he stuttered and pointed at the door behind him “Thats a good place for me to be right now. Yeah.” He nodded his head as if to agree with himself, quickly turned on his heels, and went back into the room he had just come out of. 

Regina sat up and silently cursed his bad timing. “Your son,” Regina said sourly and with great disappointment, because really, his timing could not have been more ill advised. Emma was finally about to make a move. Regina had sensed it. She was just seconds away from feeling the blonde’s beautiful lips on hers, maybe even a few minutes away from a heck of alot more than that, and then Henry and his Charming genes, had to ruin it.

“Our son.” Emma said with a sad shrug of her shoulders because she was more then a little bit embarrassed about Henry walking in on her while she was laying the moves down on his other mother and also because she knew that the moment she had mentally been building up to for months had just slipped through her fry-filled fingers. She took a sad bite and offered one to Regina, this time she didn’t refuse.

“Sooooooo....” Emma mumbled as she scratched the back of her head with her free hand.

“So....”

They both looked around the room uncomfortably. Regina stared blankly at the wall in front of her while Emma found a small brown spot on the floor that was of particular interest to her. She rubbed at it with her socked foot but the stain wouldn’t budge.

“You know you wouldn’t have this problem if you did a little housekeeping from time to time. I’ve seen ogres with cleaner houses,” Regina teased and it was just what they needed to break the uncomfortable silence that had enveloped the room just moments before.

“Oh get off it, Regina.”

“I’ve seen neater trolls, bog monsters, werewolves...”

“You’re a pain in my ass.”

“ Hamsters, ferrets, dung beetles”

“Dung beetle? Dung beetle!” Emma looked offended. She furrowed her brow in frustration, and the ridges that formed across it were deep, but also cute, ridiculously, infuriatingly, adorably, cute. Regina reached up and softly ran her fingers along them as if to wipe them away. Emma closed her eyes and instantly relaxed. “You’re still a pain in my ass,” she said fondly.

“You’re still a pain in mine,” Regina returned with a bemused smirk.

“I’m your favorite pain in the ass,” she said as her eyes fluttered open. 

“You might be,” Regina conceded as she ran her fingers through Emma’s golden locks and wondered what conditioner she had been using lately because it was softer than usual and smelled incredible and maybe if she positioned herself just so, she’d be able to get a better wiff, and-Regina suddenly noticed how crazy she sounded and promptly removed her fingers from Emma’s hair, which seemed to hold some sort of magical power over her. So caught up, she was in her own musings, that she missed the look of disappoint that quickly flashed across Emma’s face at the removal of her hand. “Would you like to watch a movie?” Regina suggested in an attempt at regaining her composure.

“Sure. What do you want to watch?”

The two weighed out their options and after a few minutes quickly settled on Kill Bill because as Emma said, “it features a well trained female assassin kicking ass and drowning her enemies in their own blood.” The Evil Queen in Regina thought it sounded delightful, and it was! There was blood by the gallons.

“They used 100 gallons of fake blood for this,” Emma informed Regina during an over-the-top scene that featured 88 members of the Yakuza getting chopped to bits by Uma Thurman.

“Thats fascinating,” Regina said and took a sip of Emma’s beer without taking her eyes off of the massacre that was taking place on scene. “Also, this beer isn’t half bad.”

Emma smiled triumphantly. “I knew I’d convert you.” She inched closer to the brunette and slung her arm around her shoulder. Regina very quickly and unashamedly nestled into her side and rested her head on Emma’s chest. They both sighed contentedly because nothing felt more real to them then being wrapped in each other's arms and it wasn’t long before sleep overtook them. Emma was the first to wake-up, bleary eyed and confused about the weight she felt beneath her arm, however she calmed down when she saw that it was just Regina. She reached over and grabbed her phone with her free hand, noting that it was two o’clock in the morning.

“Regina, wake up,” Emma whispered as she gently pushed back several strands of hair that had gone rogue and fallen over the former queen’s face. She slowly opened an eye and in a few moments cracked open the other. “Hi,” Regina said sleepily.

“Hello, sleeping beauty,” Emma joked, completely forgetting that Aurora was not only real, but also someone they both knew, and vaguely disliked.

Regina immediately sat up. “Don’t compare me to that nitwit,” she said in a voice that she had hoped was threatening, but was actually quite small and not the least bit intimidating. 

“My apologies, Your Majesty. FYI its two o’clock in the morning.”

“I should probably head home,” Regina said and stood up only she was too exhausted to support her own weight and she fell right back onto the couch. She contemplated poofing herself back to the mansion, but decided that it was too risky. She was too tired and her mind was too unfocused. If she used her magic now, she could end up anywhere, literally anywhere.

“You can stay here,” Emma offered shyly and its almost as if she had read Regina’s mind. “I have pajamas you can change into. They’re not really your style but I think you’ll be comfortable.”

“Where would I sleep?” Regina said and eyed the couch with a mild amount of disgust, because couches were made for sitting, not sleeping.

Emma looked around the room nervously before meeting Regina’s eyes. “You can sleep in my bed if you want. I also come with it though. I hope thats not a deterrent.”

“Not at all,” Regina said all too quickly. If anything it was an incentive. She mentally crossed her fingers and hoped that Emma’s sleeping attire hadn’t changed over the years. “There’s no need for you to sleep on the couch and potentially ruin your back on my account. This is your apartment after all.”

“Yeah, I guess your right. My back has been a mess lately.” She placed her hand on her lower back and then arched dramatically to further illustrate the point. “I think its from all those hours I’ve been putting in at the station.”

“Perhaps you are in need of a massage.” Regina noted and rubbed her hands together in anticipation.  
“Is that an offer?” Emma asked disbelievingly.

“It most certainly is. You are my friend and you are experiencing great discomfort. It is my duty to comfort you in any way I can.”

Emma tried not think of all the ways in which Regina could “comfort” her but failed miserably and all sort of images that involved bedsheets and naked bodies flashed through her mind. Her mouth went dry and she swore her body temperature had gone up about ten degrees because her hands were suddenly sweaty and her cheeks were turning an unflattering lobster red and she was all kinds of confused because she never felt this way around Killian. She never felt this desperate, aching, all consuming need that threatened to simultaneously pull her apart and inexplicably put her back together. It was incredibly unnerving and unsettling yet exciting and refreshing; like diving head first into a pool on the first day of summer.

“Have I told you how much I appreciate your friendship?”

“Yes, quite often.” Regina tried not to sound bitter because the word friendship as it pertained to Emma Swan had become a word that she had grown to loathe. It was right up there with the “moist” or “flesh.”

“Ok. Then I won’t mention it again, at least not tonight. Now, come on woman. These muscles aren’t going to massage themselves,” Emma said taking her hand and leading her to the bedroom. Once, inside Regina made sure to very sneakily lock the door behind her because if anything was going to occur between her and Emma, it was not going to be stopped by the likes of Henry Mills. In fact, the apocalypse itself wouldn’t be enough to stop Regina from completing her task of pleasing The Savior.

She took in the room’s decor which was essentially non-existent. The walls were almost completely bare save the few shelves Emma had hung, but even those were devoid of any items that indicated that a person was actively living in the room. The only indication of a tenant was a small picture frame on Emma’s desk that, interestingly enough, housed a picture of Henry, Emma, and herself. A smile tugged at Regina’s lips. Perhaps Lily, was on to something after all.  
 “I must say, Ms. Swan, your extravagant taste in home decor is second to none. There are so many personal belongings in this room. I don’t know where to look.”

Emma plopped onto the bed and shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know I guess its a habit. When you move around alot you don’t feel the need to decorate or accumulate alot of stuff. It just slows you down.” Emma pat the empty space next to her. “Pull up a seat. Stay a while.”

“I intend to,” she said and made her way to the bed. “Now about that massage...”

“How could I forget?”

“I’m going to need you to lay flat on your stomach.”

Emma followed Regina’s instruction. “Done. Now what?”

Regina grinned mischievously. “This,” she replied mimicking Emma’s word from earlier in the evening and hoisted her body onto Emma’s so that she was essentially straddling her.

“Whoa. I was not expecting that.”

“I’m full of surprises, Ms. Swan.”

Regina placed her hands on Emma’s back and began the massage.

What came next was a series of moans, an “Oh God,” a “Regina, that feels so good,” and a “harder!” 

Meanwhile on the other side of the paper thin wall was a highly traumatized Henry Mills, who had begun to frantically search for his headphones. He searched his backpack, his nightstand, and his desk to no avail. He was suddenly hit with a very upsetting realization. He had left his headphones in his grandparent’s house! He was going to be forced to listen to the sounds of his mothers “smashing,” at least thats what all the cool kids were calling it, or so he thought. 

He had wanted his moms to be together, but it in his mind that mostly just meant family dinners and the occasional kiss, not this. Not “Do you like that Ms. Swan?” followed by obnoxiously loud moaning. It was so boisterous Henry was almost tempted to cut his ears off a la Vincent Van Gogh. He’d then mail it to his mothers in a box with a little note that would say “you made me do this.” 

He banged his fist against the wall three times in hopes of his mothers hearing him and subsequently putting a lid on their shenanigans, but his attempt was unsuccessful. They were in it to win it. With no end in sight, Henry threw himself onto the bed and hoped for a villain to kidnap him and put him under a deep sleeping curse. 

That villain never came, but things did eventually quiet down, and when they did, a very grateful Henry was able to finally fall into a peaceful sleep. His mothers, on the other hand were still very much awake.

“Wow! that was amazing. I feel so relaxed now. I’m light as a feather,” Emma marveled and she meant it. Regina healed her back, but more than that, she also healed a small hole in her soul that had previously been busted open and filled it with a tenderness and care that was unknown to Emma.

“I’m glad I could be of service.”

Emma rolled onto her side to face Regina. “Have I told you how amazing you are?”

“Not nearly enough for my liking.”

“You’re amazing.”

“Still not enough,” Regina said with faux displeasure.

“You’re amazing.”

“Amateur at best. You’re going to have to work harder than that Swan”

Emma tapped her chin as if she were deep in thought. “The Queen is a difficult woman to please. Perhaps she would enjoy some verses that sing of her great beauty.”

“Go on...”

Emma cleared her throat theatrically and began to sing the lyrics to a song that was very familiar to Regina. :

"Come on Regine, oh I swear what she means"  
At this moment, you mean everything  
With you in that dress, my thoughts I confess  
Verge on dirty  
Ah come on Regin-aaaaaa..."

Regina saw that Emma was enthusiastically preparing to kick into the second verse and quickly covered her mouth. "Finish that song and I will end you."Emma replied with a series of muffled mutterings and pointed towards Regina's hand in an attempt to get her to remove them from her mouth.

"Very well Savior," she said and acquiesced to Emma's plea.

“I like it when you’re all...aggressive,” Emma said suggestively, but like most things that came out of Emma’s mouth it came off as a joke. Regina just rolled her eyes, because really, what else was she to do? The blonde was all flirty quips and sexual advances with absolutely no follow through. It frustrated her to no end. Her annoyance must have shown on her face because Emma was soon asking her what was wrong.

“You’re suddenly really...” Emma held up a hand and curled her fingers into a vague imitation of what appeared to be a bear’s claw or maybe a tiger’s claws. Regina couldn’t tell. “Grrrrrr.”

“I thought you enjoyed my aggressive side.”

“I do.”

“However, despite your enthusiasm, I don’t think you can handle my aggressive side,” Regina said and it was a clear challenge. Emma’s eyes grew dark but a fire burned just beneath the surface.

“I can handle anything you throw at me Madam Mayor,” Emma replied confidently.

“Can you?” Regina asks and its not just about this moment or any of the previous moments like it. Its about Daniel, Cora, The King, Snow White and dark curses. Its about dead sheriffs, trumped up murder charges, a story book and a curious little boy unfortunate enough to have an Evil Queen for his mother. Its about so many things that she is incapable of putting into words, but more than anything, its about the darkness that lies in wait, biding its time until Regina loses someone else she cares about and subsequently tears the world apart because of it.

Emma reached over and cupped Regina’s cheek. “I’ll never stop trying. I will always”

“find me?” Regina finished with a laugh. 

Emma shook her head. “Be here. I know this is going to upset you but I’m not scared of you.”

“You should be,” Regina said. It was meant as a joke but she was too tired to be able to effectively disguise the insecurity that she felt.

“I’m not. I never have been. Intimidated, yes, but never afraid.”

“Why?” she asked, her eyes desperately searching Emma’s for the answer to a question she had always been curious about but was too afraid to ask.

“I don’t know how to explain this and its going to seem very strange, but from the moment I met you I felt a connection. Not because of fate but because there was something in your eyes that told me we were similar. That you had experienced love and loss and hurt and pain just like I had. That despite it all you were just trying to survive. I figured that everything you were doing was a means of achieving that and as angry as I was with you I understood it. I knew that beneath all of that bluster you were just a hurting person.”

“So what you’re saying is that you had a soft spot for me.”  
Emma considered the question. “Kind of, but not completely. I do have a soft spot for you but I think it comes from that connection. Do you know what I mean?”

Regina knew all too well. She had also felt an inexplicable connection with the blonde that first night and spent the better part of the next few years trying to ignore it, but despite her best efforts it eventually caught up with her and she suspected that it was now beginning to catch up with Emma.

“Indeed. I do,” Regina responded.

“This is also going to sound weird,” Emma continued. “but when I first came to Storybrooke everything felt kind of off to me. Everything seemed a little too perfect, a little too fake.”

Regina let out a soft laugh. “Well, dear it was fake.”

“Except for you. You felt real.”

“That’s doubtful,” Regina countered.

Emma’s lips curled into a small smile. She was constantly amused by Regina’s ability to deflect any positive reinforcement that was directed towards her. “Maybe I should reword what I said before. Everything still feels fake, but not you. You feel real.”

“Emma...”

“I don’t know why I’m saying all this,” Emma admitted. Unfortunately for her, Regina had the uncanny ability to reduce her into an inarticulate fifteen year old and she’d always end up saying too much or not enough. What she had just said was a case of the “too much.” She hadn’t intended on sharing that bit of information, ever, yet there she was. 

“Maybe the late hour has finally taken its toll on you,” Regina offered thought it appeared that the late hour had actually taken its toll on her. She looked exhausted and her eyes were half-closed. Her hair was tousled and she looked uncharacteristically undignified, but Emma thought that she never looked better.

“Yeah maybe thats what it is. Alcohol and late nights don’t make for the most alert version of myself.”

“No, but they certainly make for a very interesting version of you. Though I would argue that most versions of you are.”

“You’ve been complimenting me alot lately,” Emma observed with delight because Regina wasn’t one for giving out compliments. 

“Well earlier you mentioned how awesome you think I am. I just thought I’d return the favor and inform you of how awesome I think you are, which is quite.”

“Quite,” Emma repeatedly happily. “Quite.” She meditated on that for a few moments until she came to a realization. “Regina, quite isn’t actually a measurement of awesome is it?”

“I wasn’t aware that there was one.”

“Like where do I fall on a scale of one to ten?” Emma asked eagerly, because knowing how she rated on Regina’s awesome meter had suddenly become more important than life itself.

“You want me to rate you? Don’t you think thats a bit...” Regina searched for the right word. “Reductive?”

“Maybe, but I don’t mind being reduced by you,” Emma said with an exaggerated waggle of her eyebrows.

“Emma Swan, is that some sort of come on?”

“Regina Mills. Do you want it to be?”

“If you’re trying to be sexy-”

“I’m failing miserably, I know. Now rate me. One to ten Regina.”

“Well...” Regina let the word hang in the air. She knew her silence was driving Emma crazy and she watched with enjoyment as the blond fidgeted nervously. If there was one thing Regina loved in the world, it was toying with The Charmings, and though Emma barely qualified as one, Regina still took pleasure in making her squirm. However, it was mostly done out of her fondness for Emma rather than malice.

After enough time had passed Regina finally broke her silence. “You don’t chart.”

“I don’t?” Emma asked sadly. Her eyes lowered and she looked completely dejected. Regina instantly felt guilty for making Emma feel insecure, even if only for a moment.

Regina cleared her throat. “No, you don’t chart because a one to ten scale could never even begin to adequately describe how awesome I think you are.”

Emma’s eyes grew large at the admission. She hadn’t expected Regina to hold such a high opinion of her. “Well, damn...” 

 

“Damn indeed,” Regina said simply and let out a soft yawn. 

Emma lifted her hand and gently stroked Regina’s head. The brunette’s eyes closed and her lips curled into a smile at the touch.“It’s getting late. Maybe we should try sleeping.”

“Maybe” Regina agreed sleepily. 

Emma got up and turned off the light. When she returned she found that Regina had moved to what was normally Hook’s side of the bed and her head was now resting on his pillow. Her nostrils flared in disgust.

“It smells like him.”

“Like Hook?”

“Yes.” She sounded annoyed and for a few seconds Emma was once again forced to wonder what their feud was all about.

“Do you want to switch pillows?”

“Yes, please.”

Emma lifted her head and fluffed her pillow before handing it to Regina who had done the same.

“Better?”

Regina sniffed the pillow. It smelled like Emma.

“Much better.”

Emma lay her head on the new pillow, but couldn’t get comfortable, because it did indeed smell like Hook. She normally didn’t mind his particular scent, but it was suddenly grating on her nerves. Maybe it had something to do with Regina’s proximity and the way she smelled like lavender, but the smell of leather and seawater suddenly didn’t seem so appealing. She tossed the pillow onto the floor. Regina looked on with amusement. “That pillow isn’t very comfortable,” Emma explained, however Regina saw through the lie and offered her a knowing smirk. “Its full of air,” Emma defended. 

“Mmhm,” Regina hummed sarcarstically.

“Hey, Regina.”

“Yes...”

Emma nervously scratched the back of her head. “Could we maybe...um.... share a pillow?”

“Share a pillow?”

“Yeah, share a pillow,” Emma suggested with a shrug. “All of the other pillows I have are couch pillows and they’re not very comfortable and you just finished doing all that work on my back. I don’t want it to be for nothing.”

Regina considered Emma’s reasoning. Sure it was mostly comprised of bullshit, but she would be a fool to refuse such a request. “Very well, Miss Swan. You can share my pillow, but know that you will end up on the floor, should you try to steal it from me during the course of the night.”

“Deal.”

Emma crawled over to the pillow in question and plopped her head onto it. She wriggled around a bit before getting comfortable and quickly drifted into a sleep until she was awoken by an irate Regina. 

“Emma Swan, do you have to occupy so much space?”

“Hm?”

“I agreed to share a pillow with you on the condition that you would not steal it, but you have done exactly that. So according to our deal I am well within my right to-”

“Please don’t kick me out of the bed,” Emma begged. “I’m sorry.”

Regina couldn’t see Emma’s face because it was dark but she could sense the puppy eyes Emma was shooting in her direction. “Alright,” she huffed. “I won’t kick you out, but you have to promise not to be so stingy with the pillow.”

“I promise I won’t be stingy. In fact, I might have a solution to our problem.”

“What might that be?”

“Cuddling?” she proposed timidly. “You know like a big spoon little spoon situation? We’d take up less space that way.”

“And exactly which spoon would you be?”

“Whichever spoon you want me to be,” Emma said with a little more confidence in her voice.

Regina saw no downside to Emma’s plan. Her, Emma, a bed, and plenty of body heat... She just had to figure out which spoon she wanted to be. She thought of the blonde’s muscular arms and instantly knew which she preferred. “ I suppose that I wouldn’t be opposed to being the little spoon in this particular scenario.”

“So thats a yes?” 

“Indeed, it is.”

“Great.”

Emma pulled Regina’s body close to hers and her arm gently circled around Regina’s waist. It felt light and hung loosely, a sharp contrast to Robin who in the past, would desperately cling to to any part of Regina, and once he clung there was almost no chance of breaking free from his grasp. Somewhere in the middle of their relationship he had started to feel like Leopold. He felt like fate and cold captivity, but Emma felt like a fiery freedom.  
 “Are you comfortable?”

“Very,” Regina responded as she snuggled closer into Emma’s embrace. Her arms were warm and inviting, and though Regina was accustomed to the finer things in life, she had never known such comfort. She lay still, content with feeling the weight of Emma’s chest, as it pressed against her back. She felt Emma breathe in and out and the steady rhythm served as a lullaby. Her eyes slowly drifted to a close.

“Hey, Regina?” she heard Emma say quietly. 

Regina turned her head to face her restless companion. Her lips were incredibly close and it took every ounce of self-control that Regina had not to kiss her. “Yes?” she responded, only she didn’t receive an answer. She huffed in frustration. “Emma, its late and if you’re going to keep me awake you better have a good reason for doing so.”

Emma’s hand slid away from the waist it was perched on and found new rest on one of Regina’s cheeks. She leaned in and planted a tentative kiss on Regina’s forehead. Her lips were smooth and they lingered on Regina’s skin far longer than they had any right to.

“Good night, Regina,” Emma whispered.

“Goodnight, Emma.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. As always, please R&R. I'd love to know what you think.


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